I wasn’t always so willing and ready to make love to Conan the Barbarian as I am now and as I was when we first married. Like a lot of women, while I enjoyed it, I didn’t care too much about it. There was a time when I didn’t care if I ever had sex again. That did not make Conan happy. There are lots of reasons for this, and that is a subject for another time. I have learned that hubbies just do not understand how their wife could like sex, orgasm almost every time, and still not want it much. Makes no sense to them. Anyway, suffice it to say it seems to be a common occurrence.
During this time in our marriage, I was getting so sick of being badgered day and night for sex. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please. Tonight? Tonight? Tonight? Tonight? Tonight? Grope, grope, squeeze, squeeze. Leer, wink. It felt like one of my children badgering me about something I’d already said no to him about. I really wanted to stop this annoying behavior. I found a really great website about marriage. I can’t for the life of me remember it anymore, but it had lots of little teaching videos and links to good articles and so on. If I can ever find it again, I’ll put a link on the page. One of the videos discussed exactly what my problem was. How to get the hubby to stop asking so much. You’ll never guess what it said. Well, maybe you will, but you could have knocked me over with a feather.
THE ANSWER: Have more frequent sex with your husband. What???????? Seriously?????? Who are these people????? Here’s the principle. The more frequently you have sex, the more satisfied your husband is and the more satisfied he is, the less he will feel the need to constantly remind you about sex. He will feel like you haven’t forgotten about him and his needs and desires. He will feel like you love and care about him. He will feel that you are wonderful, beautiful, the best wife in the world.
Disclaimers: 1. This will not work if you lay there like a dead fish waiting for him to get it over with. 2. I’m talking about your average, good guy. Not the guy who makes you think you’re selfish for not dropping everything to satisfy him two times a day or whatever.
Well, I thought, I’ll try it. I know I’m supposed to be more sexually giving to my husband. I can hear Dr. Laura in my head saying “Stop saying no!” And I really, really want him to stop asking me ten times a day. As you can see, I started out in selfish mode. It always surprises me, when I take a good look at myself, just how selfish I really am. Anyway, I tried it. Things went something like this:
- Day one: Tonight? Tonight? Tonight? Night one: yes!
- Day two: Tonight? Please, please, please? Night two: yes!
- Day three: Hi baby, I love you. Are you having a good day? Night three: good night beautiful, I love you, sleep well.
- Huh. Wow. And so it went.
If we usually had sex two to three times a week or so, Conan was happy as a clam (are clams happy?). Well, he was happy as a sexually satisfied man. And guess what? No more annoying behavior. Just like that. And that has continued on.
As a woman, it is hard to relate to a man and his sexual feelings. I used to feel that he was obsessed with sex. Possibly carnal and devilish. Why does he have to have it all the time? Why does he think about it all the time? Why can’t he just forget about it once in a while? I still don’t have the answers to those questions, but I came to know that he is not bad, selfish, sinful, carnal, etc., for feeling that way. He is NOT obsessed. He is hardwired to want the woman he loves sexually. HE LOVES ME, which causes him to desire me. And we as women WANT to be desired.
I’ll admit it, I do. I used to want that little look of admiration from a man. It still makes me feel good to think that a man is attracted to me. It puts a little smile on my face. Well, in reality, what can an admiring stranger give me? NOTHING. I had to change my thinking. I came to realize that there is a man who DOES want me and IS attracted to me and CAN give me what I want and need. That man is Conan the Barbarian. No other man matters, because no other man LOVES me the way he does. So instead of rejecting the one man who can give me everything I want emotionally, I now encourage and embrace him.
Ladies, if you’re in this situation, stop making your husband feel like a little boy being chastised. Start making him feel like a man. When you start treating him like a man and try to make him feel like a man, he should start behaving like a man.
WARNING: Saying “Yes” frequently may cause a woman to become confident and feel beautiful and desirable. May cause arousal in a woman. May cause her to become even more selfish and demand more than one orgasm during love making. ;-)