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Can We Do That???

People find my blog all kinds of ways, but a very common way is an inquiry such as “Can my wife give me a blow job LDS” or “LDS hand job okay”  or “mutual masturbation, LDS marriage”, and so on.  (Oh-one of my favorite is “Sexy Mormon Women”.  Yep, people find my blog with that search.  Okay, okay, I’ll admit it, that’s me!  hahahaha!)

The General Authorities do NOT have a list of sex acts that are forbidden or approved floating around out there.  They’re not in the sex police business.  Sex is your private business.  It’s between the two of you, for you to decide, for you to enjoy.

Oh, what about The Letter?  Okay, I admit that is floating around on the Internet, along with any number of opinions on the subject of all manner of sexual things having to do with our religion.  I refuse to discuss The Letter, except to say that it’s not relevant, current or applicable.  Go discuss it elsewhere.  (I hate arguing and conflict.)   But what about that book I read by Bro and Sis So and So that said oral sex was wrong?  What about (very spiritual and just-about-to-be-Translated ward member) who told me that only whores and sluts do anal and you will go to hell if you do it?  You don’t have to listen to them!!!  Your sex life is your sex life.  It’s between you and your spouse.

I’m just one woman, not even an important one, with an opinion.  And my opinion is, if you want to do it…DO IT!  Oh, zookie, but what about…..Yes, do THAT, TOO!  (Oh:  Unless it has to do with animals.  Do NOT do that.  AAaahhahahahaha! )  Touch, kiss, lick, suck, pinch, spank, slap, squeeze, (I think I”ll stop there, whew!) whatever part of your spouse’s body you want or they want.  If it feels good, do it.   That’s my opinion.

“If it feels good, do it.”  That was a common phrase held up as an absolute no-no when I was growing up.   We were NOT supposed to do something just because it felt good.  In fact, if it felt good, I’m pretty sure we thought we’d go straight to hell if we did it!   Here’s the thing:  we weren’t married then.  If you are, then guess what?  You CAN do it, and you don’t even have to go see your bishop about doing it!  I think there’s some kind of residual guilt or shame in a lot of us about that. If it’s not PIV, missionary position, one and done, vanilla sex and it feels soooooo good, it might not be natural and has to be just plain wrong.  Oh, and if I feel guilty about it I’m supposed to discontinue the practice!  (News flash:  not all guilt is good, healthy or from a positive source. )

You do not need permission from your Bishop, Stake President or our General Authorities to do something in bed with your spouse.   And I”m pretty sure they aren’t going to give it to you, even if you ask.

Have I convinced you?  Good!  Now it’s your job to convince your reluctant spouse.  Good luck with that.  :)

More on Masturbation

The Mormon Therapist has put out a very good post about masturbation, here.  She really presents her case well.  I have not had the opportunity to read all the comments that followed, but I did skim some of them and they are mostly positive.  The most bizarre comment I’ve seen (so far) is that masturbation leads to pornography and homosexuality.  Huh.  Where’d they get THAT idea?  Possibly some over-zealous leader or parent, I don’t know.  But that one made me laugh out loud!  On second thought, that’s a scary opinion, and quite possibly dangerous, too.  It’s also a good example of how people are mis-taught as youth.  That person teaches that to his/her children and so on.  YIKES!

The sad comments are from men who were kept from advancement in the Priesthood as boys because of it, who attempted suicide because they could not squelch their sexuality, because they could not completely stop something so hardwired into our bodies.

Over the years I’ve had lots of different thoughts about it.  When I was young I did masturbate.  Of course, I learned that it was wrong like we all did, and I stopped doing it.  I learned that one of my brother’s was having a challenge with masturbation and was having to work to overcome it or something.  At the time I thought to myself, what utter nonsense.  Masturbation is something so serious it has to be overcome???  But it was my dad who was talking to me about it, and he firmly, truly believes masturbation is a sin.  So I went with what my dad taught and believed.  I trust him and his counsel for everything.  Why not that, too?  I always did wonder how that could be right, though.

So I made a kind of compromise, where masturbation wasn’t ALL bad, but you shouldn’t do it just because, and you should try not to do it when you are single.  See the bishop over it?  Not in my opinion.  Anyway, I personally stayed away from it.  Now I’ve read a lot of people’s stories about it and done a lot of thinking about it over the last year or so, and I made up my own mind and came to the same conclusion as Natalie (The Mormon Therapist).

Then I really, really broke out of my comfort zone and started actually doing it.  *GASP*  Turns out it is really nice ;-).  And I have had some very positive results (besides the obvious, of course).

I do have real life friends who read this blog, and so I don’t want to get too explicit, but what the heck, I’ve revealed a lot in some of my other posts *blush*, so…

Through masturbating, I’ve learned that I can orgasm multiple, multiple times.  I have not reached a “limit”, yet, as in, nope, no more are happening.  I’ve just ran out of time.  So the sky is the limit, I do believe haha!   Also, I’ve learned that I can have female ejaculation.  (That’s a great subject for another post, because I get all kinds of hits on my blog from people wanting to know about that.)  I think the best side benefit, though, is how easily and quickly it can happen for me now.  No mental effort involved anymore.  Compare that to how difficult it once was for me, and how I could only get one, and it had to be a certain way, etc.  Nice!

If you are searching for answers about this masturbation question you will get good ones from Natalie’s post.  I highly recommend her.  Thank you, Natalie!

 

Sex Toys

Shop erotic

Conan and I had been married for a few years but didn’t have any children together yet (so I imagine I was between 21 and 23 or so) when we decided to take a trip up to Vancouver, BC for the weekend.  It was a lot of fun!  One of the most memorable moments up there was when we were sightseeing and decided to go into a specialty shop and look around.  And by specialty shop I mean SEX TOY Shop!  This was my first look at anything like that.  (I’d heard of vibrators, dildos and such before, but never seen any.  This was back in ancient times, remember, and there was no internet.)  I was soooo embarrassed!  Plus I was young enough to be a bit giggly and juvenile about it, ha ha!  Even so, I was fascinated with everything I saw there.  The two things that were burned into my brain were a dildo that was as big as my forearm and had a suction cup on the bottom of it so you could stick it on whatever surface and use it hands free!  And a swing with a dildo ON it!   W.O.W.  My eyes about popped out of my head everywhere I looked.

I have had lots of fun and laughs over the years talking about that hands free dildo with my BFFs, but never thought I’d actually ever get any kind of sex toy.  (I never have tried that hands free one, I’ll just tell you that right now!)

I did eventually get a sex toy.  I got a  hard plastic, turbo-shaped, purple vibrator.  It was interesting and fun solely because it was such a novel experience.  We tried it a number of ways but it didn’t really do a whole lot for me.  First of all, it was cold, and second of all the vibrations were pretty weak, in my opinion.  Later, we decided to try a different kind.  We got one that is like a Rabbit.  I don’t know if it is an actual Rabbit, I can’t remember that far back,  but it is shaped like a real penis, and it is made of squishy plastic instead of hard plastic.   It is also purple.  (Conan’s favorite color is purple.  Because of the U of WA Huskies!) Anyway, it has those little bunny ears that are supposed to rest on the clitoris and vibrate while you penetrate with the penis.  Once again, I didn’t like it.  It was cold, too.  And whatever nasty plastic they used to make the thing smelled horrible!  I just went and got it out of my drawer.  It still smells horrible.  And the little bunny ears worked about as well as me leaning up against the washing machine during the spin cycle, ha ha!  Meaning not at all.  Still, we tried it out several times.  We tried both of them together.  We got good and creative.   But they just didn’t do much for me.  I know other women love their Rabbits, but they just don’t work for my body.  Why do I even still have those things, you ask?  I really don’t know.  They just sit in the drawer year after year, hahaha!

Fast forward a few years, (I really have no idea how many) and I discovered the bullet vibe.   Conan and I talked about it and decided to go get one.  We got in the car with our new purchase and Conan practically begged me to use it right there.  I did.  He still remembers the street we were on.  Ummm, I kind of don’t, I was busy.  ;-)   Now, up until this point I was a one and done girl.   I was always soooo jealous of my BFFs, because THEY could have multiples without even batting an eye.  But no matter what we had done thus far, one was it for me.  But this night, with my new little bullet vibe, I had five, count them, five Os IN A ROW.  I fell in love with that little bullet.  It was my new best friend.   We wore the thing out and had to go get a new one.  We actually wore a couple of them out.

I’m so thankful for bullet vibrators because they taught me that I could be multi-orgasmic.  (I am happy to say that, now, if I was only having five or less I would be highly disappointed.)     It’s still amazing to me that one day I can only have one and the next day I can have several!

But something strange happened.  We got so that Conan could give me lots of Os with no need for the bullet vibe, and then the bullet stopped working for me.  I haven’t been able to figure that one out.  It would just buzz away, feeling pleasant, but not producing the same results.  Since we had just about worn it out anyway, I just threw it away and never replaced it.  I certainly didn’t NEED it anymore!

So now it’s been seven or eight years since I got my first bullet.  And last year I decided to try a new sex toy.  I didn’t do my research very well, but what I wanted was something that I could use hands free (No, NOT the one with the suction cup on the bottom!) during intercourse.  I sooo want to orgasm DURING intercourse.  So we purchased this:

Classix Butterfly Strap On

It’s a bullet vibe that you strap onto yourself.  The theory is lots of great stimulation without having to think about it or hold onto it.  Once again, while the buzzing sensations are nice, it did NOT do the trick.  And can I just say I felt like a complete moron trying to get it strapped on, and once it was on I felt I looked ridiculous.  Anyway, sad to say, this didn’t work, either.  I even popped the bullet out of it’s little butterfly and tried to use it that way once, but it was a no go.  :(

A few months ago I learned about something called a Hitachi Magic Wand.  Hmmmmm.  I was intrigued.  I really liked what I saw.  I asked Conan if I could get one.  He laughed a bit at me but gave the okay.   It arrived not long before our romantic weekend in early November.

We took it with us.  This Hitachi is no joke.  The handle is about a foot long, so even though it’s not hands free it’s very easy to use.  The vibrating part is about the size of a tennis ball, which makes it simple to apply to the right spots.  It is not battery operated, it PLUGS IN.  It has two speeds.  The low speed will make you see fireworks and the high speed will drain the power grid and trip your breaker.  You will forget your own name.  How could I not have heard of this baby before???  It gets RESULTS.

I tried it through my jeans and within 60 seconds it blew me away.  Used against bare skin I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  Conan commented later that he thinks I woke up everyone within a 10 yard radius. *blush*

I could not keep this to myself and so I told my BFFs all about my new toy.

That’s my experience with sex toys.   I still prefer Conan to any toy, but I’m super glad for those toys, just the same, and am looking forward to wearing out a few magic wands!

Tips:  I have recently heard about glass toys.  You can heat them up in warm water before you use them so they won’t be COLD!  Yay!  That’s going to be my next purchase when I get around to getting another toy.

Shop Erotic is a tasteful online shop and you can find just about anything your little heart desires there.  From lube and vibrators to whips, blindfolds and restraints.  Hmmmm.

Simply Sweet Marriage  is a good online store by LDS people and is a very nice site where you can get lots of good stuff.

Search Engine Terms

People find my blog by entering the funniest things into their search engines!  Here are some that made me laugh out loud.

  • horny mormon women (well, there are a few of us)
  • lds vagina stretcher (as opposed to a born again vagina stretcher???)
  • I am a mormon and I love oral sex (me toooooo!)
  • lds killers (huh???)
  • I just had sex, didn’t I?  (If you don’t know, I don’t think I can help you.)
  • am I giving him too much oral sex?  (guys, is there such a thing??)
  • how to have sex like a barbarian (dreamer)
  • garmet nekad kello (I have no idea)
  • Huge mormon labia (sorry, I had to put that in here.  I just about died laughing!)
  • Horny mormon looking for love (well, keep looking)
  • Pack 12 Football (ahhahahaha!  Oh, and as Conan pointed out to me, it’s PAC, not pack)
  • zooky ladies panty (another head shaker)
  • My husband would like to be Conan the Barbarian (sorry, there’s only one)
  • Spouse won’t participate in my fetish (Aww, why not?)

Those are some of the funnier ones.  Next I’ll talk about some of the serious ones!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

But I’m Not In the Mood

But I’m not in the mood.  Shouldn’t I feel horny first?

This is what I think is one of the biggest misconceptions there is about married sex.  No!  You don’t need to feel horny first.  In fact, I’m sure most of you know that for women especially, arousal comes after things get started, and usually not before.  That can be the case for a man, as well.  I wonder if there are many men who start out just to please their wife and not become aroused at some point?

Do you ever do something even though you don’t feel like it?  What’s your attitude about it?   If you go into it with a good attitude, you’re more likely to feel good about it after the task is done.  And the people around you can tell the difference between something done grudgingly and something done cheerfully.  Sex works in a similar way.  You can bless your spouse with the gift of your willing, loving body, even when you don’t feel like it.  But don’t go into it like you’re about to get a root canal.  I suggest you put everything you can into it.   If you can’t get into it physically, get into it emotionally.  Remember how much you love your husband.  You know how to put on a happy face to do any number of things you don’t feel like doing.  But you do them, don’t you, because to not do it would hurt someone’s feelings or let someone down or cause someone stress and anxiety.  Who is THE most important person in your life?  If you answered your spouse, like I did, then we should all be doing everything we can to make our spouses happy.   A regular, average guy will feel so good and be so happy when he’s having his sexual needs met that it will spill over into his everyday life and he will treat you like a queen.

Yes, there were plenty of times when I didn’t feel like it.  And I said no many, many times more than  I said yes.  For a long time.  Because I didn’t feel like it, okay?  It’s my body, and I don’t have to do anything with it  that I don’t want to do, right?  He’s just being selfish and inconsiderate.  I am upset, angry, stressed, etc.  He won’t die, for heaven’s sake.  (No, you won’t die without sex.  But your marriage will.)  Giving myself some credit, there were lots of times I said yes, too.  Many times I would say yes, even though I didn’t feel like it, and I would end up having a great time.  Many times I would say yes when I didn’t feel like it, and have an okay time.  And yes, sometimes I’d say yes when I didn’t feel like it and feel, well, not a whole heck of a lot.   And sometimes, sometimes I wouldn’t like it at all.  I don’t say this to hurt Conan, but it is what it is, and I’m sure there are people who can relate to what I’m saying.  And very occasionally I’d do a hand job to tide Conan over for a while longer.   (Frankly, I would have rather have quickie sex than give an obligatory hand job.  It was  just easier for me.)  And at that time blow jobs were few and far between, and certainly no swallowing!  (I explain all that in   http://sexandtheldswoman.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/gasp-swallowing/ )

Then the day came that I made a commitment to myself that I would never say no again.  That I would be available no matter what.  And that I would put my all into every sexual encounter we had.  And because Conan is such a wonderful, considerate, caring lover, I got out of it as much as I put into it.   And practice makes perfect.  In the last 7 years there have only been a handful of times that Conan and I have had sex when I have not had at least one orgasm.  I can attribute every one of those times to a quickie for Conan just before he leaves for work or something.  I count those times as foreplay, because they always leave me hanging, so to speak, and so we continue that night.

I’ve discovered something about myself.  I don’t like rejection.  I don’t like to be told no.  And I don’t mean no in general (although I don’t necessarily like that, either!),  I mean no to sex in particular.   It’s not like a rejection of an activity.  It’s like a rejection of self.  It’s not like being told no, I can’t come to your Christmas party, or no, I can’t sub for you in Primary next Sunday.  It’s like being told no, I don’t want to give and be given the most intimate, personal, vulnerable part of yourself, and,  no, I don’t want to experience the greatest pleasure there is with you, and no, I don’t care if it hurts you.  I”m sure there are people who can articulate this better than I can.  People who are married to refusers and withholders are made of sterner stuff than I.  I have only been told no to sex a handful of times in my marriage, and it’s a painful sting.  I can’t imagine the pain of constant rejection like that.  It makes me feel horrible for all the pain I inflicted on my darling Conan.  I was BLIND to it.  And what I wasn’t blind to, I IGNORED and pretended it was ALL HIS PROBLEM.  Because, you see, I wasn’t “in the mood”, so, too bad, so sad for him.

I made a conscious decision to be in the mood when approached.  And then to be in the mood and do the approaching.  It took awhile, but after a time it became a non-issue for us.

Not in the mood?  Don’t let that stop you.  Either of you.   You can always be in the mood to give and care for your spouse the way no one else can.

Wake Up Call

 

I am super busy with all kinds of summer activity.  While I have lots of words bouncing around in my head, I don’t have time to write any of them down!  So…

Here are two articles I found interesting.

Wake Up Call for Wives

Wake Up Call for Husbands

 

p.s.  Just to be clear, the comment by “LDS Woman” on the second page of “Wake Up Call for Wives” was not me.  She gives good advice, though!

 

 

 

 

 

The garment

I’ve been married for 24 years and only endowed for five of them.  Last October I had the opportunity to go to General Conference for the first time!  While I was there I attended the Salt Lake Temple.  I loved it!  I took this picture there!  I would love to tell my story of how I made it to the temple, and how much I love the temple,  but today I’m going to discuss the garment and how it affected our sex life.

Having lived a large portion of my adult life not wearing the garment, I was very nervous about wearing them.   I thought that most of my clothes would still be appropriate, as I’d been dressing for years as if I wore them, so that wasn’t my biggest concern.  I will admit to you that I am a little, not VAIN, exactly, but, what’s the word I’m looking for, I’ll say PARTICULAR about the way I look.  And I was PARTICULARLY concerned about the way I would look to my husband in the garment and how he would react, especially since he wouldn’t be wearing them.   This concern stopped me from going to the temple for an entire year.  I just could not get past how I was going to look.  Satan knows my weaknesses and boy did he play on them.   I told my dad I was worried about wearing them, and he said, honey, they come off.  He knew a part of what I was worried about.  Well, that was comforting, but still didn’t address how I was going to look.  And I didn’t feel I could discuss that with my dad.  What could I say?  What could he say?

As I was preparing to go to the temple, I told Conan the Barbarian that I’d be wearing garments and explained what they looked like.  I have to say I’ve been blessed with a wonderfully practical, down to earth guy, who just does not let much bother him.  His response was, well, that sounds weird, but okay.

After my endowment I was on cloud 9.  Then that night Conan said, well, let’s see them.  So I showed him.  He said, hmmmm, that top is see through.  Come here and I’ll take it off.   That was the first and last time I felt self-conscious in my  garments in front of him.  Obviously my concerns and fears were unfounded.  And I wasted a year of not being endowed!

The moral is yes, they do come off.  And your covenant will not get in the way of a satisfying sex life.  Oh, and about putting them back on.  Don’t feel you have to jump up the second sex is over and put them back on.  Don’t forget to bask in the afterglow!!  You might even fall asleep naked for awhile.  Simply put them back on when you wake up.  You can take them off and wear something cute and sexy for your husband at home before you go to bed, too.  Sex starts before penetration and doesn’t always end right after ejaculation.

I wonder how other women feel about their garments?  This is a subject that I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about with anyone, except in very general terms.   The only people I would be able to talk to are  my mother and my sister and the garment doesn’t bother them in the slightest.  Anyone else have an opinion?