March Madness is here. Conan loves college hoops almost as much as he loves football. Or wait, does he love it more? I’m not sure. :)
I grew up in a very non-sports family. We did not play sports and we did not watch them, either. I knew nothing about sports. PE was torture for me. Learning (or not learning) to play basketball in high school was a disaster. Don’t even mention “pivot foot” to me! GRRRRRRRRRRR! I simply could not understand it. Since I’m 5’10″ people were always asking me if I played basketball. Um, no. It’s actually laughable. I can’t throw, catch, hit, pitch, kick or whatever else there is to do with a ball. The closest I got to sports was being a cheerleader. I know you’re thinking, how could she be a cheerleader and know nothing about sports? First of all, my abilities as a cheerleader were questionable, and it would have been a mistake for me to pick out the cheers (my favorite cheer was “sack that quarterback.” I had no idea what a quarterback was, and I didn’t know what it meant to sack one. Whenever I’d ask if we could do that cheer, the other girls would say, NO, we have the ball! Well, what’s that got to do with it???), secondly I couldn’t do the splits or a cartwheel, but I had a big smile and was very enthusiastic and adored it and had more fun than a girl should be allowed being a cheerleader.
Anyway, when Conan and I got married I had no idea what a sports fan he was. I certainly didn’t know what March Madness was! It took me a few years, but I finally started recognizing, Oh, it’s that March thing again! The time when I’m not allowed to speak for fear that Conan will miss something those guys on ESPN say. (This was before DVR, But even now I’m not allowed to be noisy when they’re doing whatever it is they do during the month of March.) The time for “Brackets” and “Final Four” and games on TV day and night and boys crying on the court when they lose (which breaks my heart) and things being thrown at the TV when the wrong team wins (before the plasma. No one is allowed to throw anything even remotely in the direction of the plasma!)
What does this have to do with Guy Valentine’s Day? Nothing! :) It’s just all there used to be in March. A few years ago I discovered something much more fun that happens in March. March 14th, Guy Valentine’s Day, otherwise known as Steak and Blowjob Day. (Steakandbjday.com) Oh, yes! It’s a real day. I’m not including the link to the official site because although the home page is tame and you won’t get hit with any porn there, you will find porn links on at least one of their side links. So go there at your own risk. If you do go there, be sure to watch their little video. It is absolutely hysterical! (And safe.) They also have some naughty little cards you can print out to surprise your man with. Ribald little rhymes that are very funny but a little TOO risque to put an example here. (You can safely click on their card link without getting any porn.)
When I first heard of it, I surprised Conan with one of those little cards and a bottle of flavored lube and then served him a delicious rib eye steak and mashed potatoes dinner. mmmmm. Then…..He enjoyed his “Guy Valentine’s Day”! And we’ve been celebrating it ever since. I’ve told all my girlfriends about this day. (Well, all my bunco friends, anyway. My church friends and I are not on that intimate of terms. I am going visiting teaching today…maybe…well, no, never mind!)
So now March is fun for Conan in two ways. March Madness and Steak and BJ Day. And I get a big kick out of this little “holiday” and get so pleased with myself over my awesomeness that I can ignore all that basketball all month long!