The garment

I’ve been married for 24 years and only endowed for five of them.  Last October I had the opportunity to go to General Conference for the first time!  While I was there I attended the Salt Lake Temple.  I loved it!  I took this picture there!  I would love to tell my story of how I made it to the temple, and how much I love the temple,  but today I’m going to discuss the garment and how it affected our sex life.

Having lived a large portion of my adult life not wearing the garment, I was very nervous about wearing them.   I thought that most of my clothes would still be appropriate, as I’d been dressing for years as if I wore them, so that wasn’t my biggest concern.  I will admit to you that I am a little, not VAIN, exactly, but, what’s the word I’m looking for, I’ll say PARTICULAR about the way I look.  And I was PARTICULARLY concerned about the way I would look to my husband in the garment and how he would react, especially since he wouldn’t be wearing them.   This concern stopped me from going to the temple for an entire year.  I just could not get past how I was going to look.  Satan knows my weaknesses and boy did he play on them.   I told my dad I was worried about wearing them, and he said, honey, they come off.  He knew a part of what I was worried about.  Well, that was comforting, but still didn’t address how I was going to look.  And I didn’t feel I could discuss that with my dad.  What could I say?  What could he say?

As I was preparing to go to the temple, I told Conan the Barbarian that I’d be wearing garments and explained what they looked like.  I have to say I’ve been blessed with a wonderfully practical, down to earth guy, who just does not let much bother him.  His response was, well, that sounds weird, but okay.

After my endowment I was on cloud 9.  Then that night Conan said, well, let’s see them.  So I showed him.  He said, hmmmm, that top is see through.  Come here and I’ll take it off.   That was the first and last time I felt self-conscious in my  garments in front of him.  Obviously my concerns and fears were unfounded.  And I wasted a year of not being endowed!

The moral is yes, they do come off.  And your covenant will not get in the way of a satisfying sex life.  Oh, and about putting them back on.  Don’t feel you have to jump up the second sex is over and put them back on.  Don’t forget to bask in the afterglow!!  You might even fall asleep naked for awhile.  Simply put them back on when you wake up.  You can take them off and wear something cute and sexy for your husband at home before you go to bed, too.  Sex starts before penetration and doesn’t always end right after ejaculation.

I wonder how other women feel about their garments?  This is a subject that I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about with anyone, except in very general terms.   The only people I would be able to talk to are  my mother and my sister and the garment doesn’t bother them in the slightest.  Anyone else have an opinion?

13 thoughts on “The garment

  1. The question of garments and our marriage relationship is one of those situations where we have to decide what is the higher law. I believe you are following the higher law – the importance of the marriage relationship is far more important than a couple of hours of wearing our garments in the bedroom. My wife and I do pretty much what you suggest, and we have found that the quality of our relationship, in and out of the bedroom, has been measurably improved.

  2. Hi Kelly,
    I am curious about why it would be living a higher law to remove your garments for sexual activity, or if I am misunderstanding you. Also, are you aware of endowed members who don’t take them off for sex? Even as a youth I heard it all the time, sports, shower, and sex, the 3 S’s!

  3. Has anyone ever asked their Priesthood leader, or had counsel from a temple worker when they first went through the temple, whether occassionally sleeping naked is okay? We know the TR questions ask about us wearing the garment night and day, but when we are married, sleeping next to our spouse, it this okay on occassion to fall asleep naked and not feel so guilty about it?

      • I had a nice chat with my dad about this issue. He’s pretty smart! And it would be nice if I could just send you over to him. Anyway, this is his reply to the question of sleeping in the nude. While it is very, very right to remove your garments for marital intimacy, you should, at some point, put them back on. Don’t think you have to jump up immediately, certainly lie next to each other afterwards, even fall asleep. But put them back on when you wake later to roll over, etc. It is clear in the letter that is read to us at each of our temple recommend interviews about wearing the garment, but we can be reasonable about the situations when it is not appropriate to wear them. Dress for the sport.

        So there you go. Pretty much what we figured. If you really would rather sleep in the nude all night, every night, maybe you can try to think of it as a sacrifice, similar to giving up alcohol or coffee?

  4. I think you got it right in your original post – you take your garments off before sex, and put them back on afterwards – but remembering that sex starts before penetration and doesn’t end right after ejaculation. For my wife and I, the falling asleep together naked is as much part of the bonding that comes through making love as the intercourse itself.

  5. I do put my garments back on after sex….like 7 hours later when I wake up to start the day. I wear them during the day and all night until I go to bed.

    Sorry but I don’t need anyone’s advice as to when I should wear my underwear!

  6. Right on. What courage you have to stand up for and pursue your beliefs even though your husband isn’t joining you!

    Priority Number One for God and for us: Marriage! And staying happily married.

    Distant low priority on the list–if it’s on the list at all: wearing garments a few more hours in the privacy of your bedroom. CCMan is right.

    Awhile ago, I read a sad comment by one couple who had left the church, discarded their garments and felt so much more intimately connected in their bedroom–felt their marriage was therefore better without the Church. It definitely doesn’t have to be that way.

    The Church doesn’t enter our bedrooms–God wants us to enjoy each other, and we need to stress less about what all the rules are in the privacy of our own home. Believe me, I have researched this quite a bit–and the only “rules” I’ve found are love, unselfishness and respect for each other.

  7. The temple interview question asks if you wear your garments “night and day” in keeping with the covenants you made in the temple. What constitutes “night and day” is entirely between the member and the Lord. Does it mean 24/7/365?

    The church handbook says members have made a “covenant obligation to wear it according to the instructions given in the endowment.” The temple ordinance asks only that you wear them “throughout your life.” The Church handbook further says that “Endowed members should…” wear it in certain ways, not lounge around home in swimwear or immodest clothing, etc. Note the use of the word “should.” The handbook notes, “Members who have made covenants in the temple should be guided by the Holy Spirit to answer for themselves personal questions about wearing the garment.”

    So any individual’s statement about how often and when and how soon you should wear garments is their personal interpretation but it is not doctrine. “Not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine. A single statement made by a single leader on a single occasion often represents a personal, though well-considered, opinion, but is not meant to be officially binding for the whole Church.” According to the church, our doctrine is only contained in the scriptures. Thus the statements in the Church handbook is not doctrinal, but counsel. The counsel offered by Church leaders is as always subject to confirmation by personal revelation.

    In the end, whether I wear my garments in keeping with the covenants I made in the temple is between me and the Lord and no one else. The important point is do I keep my covenants? If I can answer yes, then I don’t think the Lord is concerned about whether after sexual relations I put them on right away or get up in the middle of the night to put them on again or wait until after my morning shower. I personally find sleeping skin to skin with my wife after sexual relations produces a feeling of great intimacy and love. I don’t think the Lord would have a problem with that.

    • Hi, and thanks!
      I appreciate your thoughts. And I think we can all agree that rushing to put your garments back on immediately after sex is not required or even suggested.

  8. I am so grateful for this. I am so embarraed about questions like this and this made me feel so much better, especially since my husband is not a member I didn’t know how this would affect our sex life. Thank u

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