Guys really are from Mars


Can you guys explain to me how you can be angry, grumpy and antagonistic all day,  have a fight with your wife that doesn’t get resolved and then want to make love that night?  What is UP with that?

I’m telling you right now that I don’t think women really want to have sex after a fight that hasn’t been resolved.  I’ll admit it, I do mean resolved to MY satisfaction.  If DH says to me, “I’m sorry that you got mad about this,”  that is not gonna cut it Bud.  Okay, so if I’m being honest, I want my DH to capitulate to my will and superior knowledge and opinion every time and just go along with me.  ‘Cause I’m always right, okay?  I want him to apologize for every little thing he ever did and promise to be better than Edward Cullen for the rest of our lives.

Back to reality.  He is the one that’s right, oh, I’ll give him about 55% of the time, sigh.  I hate to admit it, but it’s true.  (I’m never letting him read this post.  Never.)

So you’ve had a fight with your wife.  You were angry, she was angry.  Nobody threw anything, thank heavens, but it’s so cold in the room you can see your breath.  Now, I ask again, what makes you want to have sex????  What makes you think in your wildest dreams that your wife will want to have sex???  Don’t give me any nonsense about make-up sex.  There has been no making up!  So stay far away from me, Pal.  I want DH to know I’m ticked off and I want him to feel bad about that.   The last thing on my mind is the wild thing.   I can’t flip a switch in my head, forget all the angry words and get all lovey dovey.  Why can you?????

It takes me some time to thaw out and remember that I kind of love this idiot I’m married to.  After some time, I get to a point where I think, I guess he’s not that bad.  Okay, he’s pretty nice.  And cute.  And fun to be with.  And he’s a good dad.  And he works hard.  And maybe, just maybe, I can stand to be in the same room with him again.  Then I can say I’m sorry for the fight, he can tell me he loves me, we can make up, and then my brain can think sexy thoughts.  And not before.

Conan doesn’t need that.  He has a switch that says, okay, I’m rrrrrrrrrrandy (spoken in a growly Scottish accent).  I call a truce while we get down tonight.  After that, then I’ll maybe be able to stand to be in the same room with YOU.

I may never understand it.

8 thoughts on “Guys really are from Mars

  1. Well, Conan did read this post. When he read about how I wanted him to admit that I was right, he burst out, “You’re NEVER right! These people are going to think you’re right all the time.” Thanks, babe. 😉 And then he insists that I change his 55% right to at least 60%, if not more.
    Are you happy now, Conan?

  2. Can’t speak for other men, but I never have a desire for sex after a fight with my wife. (Even on those rare occasions when I was actually in the right!) Arguments are NOT a turn on for me and I don’t believe that we’ve ever had “make up sex” in 30 years of marriage.

    • Thanks for commenting! It’s nice to hear from someone who’s been married longer than I have! And you’re saying you’re rarely right! ha ha! I can’t seem to get Conan to go there, darn it. 😉
      I agree arguments are not a turn on. But if you haven’t made up with your wife, can you still feel amorous later on? Or do you need to make up first and then feel amorous, like me?

      • We have to make up first [translation: she has to get over being pissed off that I would actually disagree with her, which generally means I’ll get about 3-5 days of the “one syllable treatment”]. But since we don’t have sex very often anyway, it’s not like I’m expectantly waiting for it…

  3. This is not always the case, but sometimes the unspoken word in make up sex is “I am sorry and I love you”. The close bond in sex can help mend hurt feelings and help us to want to put those feelings behind us. Now, if the fight is a doozie, then the desire for sex may take longer, and it is not worth the risk of getting a very firm elbow to the ribs! 🙂

  4. Fights are a HUGE turn-off for me.

    Sometimes I feel like: “I want DH to know I’m ticked off and I want him to feel bad about that.”

    Still, there is the reality of physical desire that is actually very frustrating when you’ve had a fight and you don’t want her to think you’re over it and everything is okay. The desire is just there sometimes–a bit like being hungry for food or something. You’ll still be hungry even if you’re angry.

    I used to kind of feel like saying –“Just because we’re having sex, doesn’t mean it’s all okay.” (although I never did)

    But then, weirdly, the intimacy actually DOES help it be more okay.

    Sometimes the physical intimacy is the only thing to hang onto through rough periods. So, let’s not reject that part too.

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