Oh, Those Groping Husbands

Behind the scenes of WordPress is this feature that shows me how people have found my blog, such as entering a phrase in a search engine and my blog ends up as one of the hits.  This happens on occasion.  So I sometimes  do a Google search of those words and phrases to see what comes up.   Two that interested me the most were “husband gropes” and “husband always groping”.    These terms brought up my “Why is my husband always, always asking for sex, sex and more sex” blog.  In it I talk about how Conan was always groping me.

When I did a Google search on those terms, I found a lot of  ladies are talking about this.  And it seems like the women talking about it don’t understand it and don’t really like it.  I didn’t like it!  Oh, it would just burn me up when he would walk by and cop a feel.  I wanted him to walk by and touch my hair, my face, my hands, my back, my neck, anywhere but my breasts, my behind and my hoo ha!  Am I defined as a pair of t**s and a nice a$$?  Is that the sum total of what I mean to you?

One day Conan, that rrrrrrrandy little devil, grabbed some part of me right in front of my cousin.  Then he casually sauntered out of the room, grinning.  My cousin laughed and said, my husband is always doing that, too!  He is??!!??  I said.  It had never occurred to me that this might be something that all the inhabitants of Mars do.   Conan is just a little more free with his groping in front of others.  Usually my behind.  (Well, it was my behind that attracted him to me in the first place.  One look and he was hooked for life 8)  )  Anyway, after that I had a little  lightbulb moment and realized that Conan wasn’t degrading me or putting me on par with a piece of meat.   It’s just something guys DO.

Guys always have sex on the brain, right?  Well, that is focused completely on me.  He takes a look at me doing something mundane and domestic like doing the dishes or cooking dinner and he thinks,  Look at what she does for me.  I appreciate her.  I like her.  I love her.    She’s hot.  She’s MINE!   I’d like to________.  Then male instinct takes over for a second and GRAB!  MMM-HMMM, that’s what I want to do later.  SEX=LOVE.  Love, love, love, love, love.

Once I began looking at it this way I stopped being so offended by him.  After that if he came by and grabbed me I made a conscious effort to respond in a positive way.  Instead of saying angrily, “Stop that!  Is that all you ever think about???”  I started saying playfully, “Naughty!  But I love you, too, babe.”   Instead of thinking it was  some juvenile, emotionally stunted attempt at turning me on,  I  took it for what it actually IS,  a show of love and affection, as wacky as it seems to me.  I began to turn to him, let him grab me, and then initiate some non-sexual snuggling and touching with maybe a kiss or two.  NICE!!  At some point down the road, I even began to grope HIM once in awhile.  You should see the dopey grin he gets when I do that.

Amazingly enough, I receive lots more non-sexual touching after this change, and after I stopped saying no all the time.

So guys, if you can’t resist groping your wife, please try to remember that she likes a little romantic touching, too.

And ladies, don’t get your panties in a bunch over it.  Take it for what it is.  A gesture of love from this strange creature from Mars.

14 thoughts on “Oh, Those Groping Husbands

  1. Women always seem to gripe about gropes, but perhaps it is worthwhile to consider the alternative. Consider what the world would be like if men had little or no attraction to women. I guarantee it would not be an improvement for women.

    • We women really want men to find us sexually attractive. But often that doesn’t translate into wanting any type of physical gestures. Sad.

  2. The other day my my wife, a female friend, and I were at the park letting our kids play. The sun was out, the children were laughing, life was good! We were talking about the joys of raising children, and the new joys of raising teenagers.

    Our friend has a son turning 14 soon, and she was commenting that she was not looking forward to the changes already happening in him. She didn’t like that he had started to notice that some girls are “hot”.

    She and my wife both complained about how boys only think about one thing. I told them that was absolutely false. Men think about many many things, it’s just that one of those things happens to attract us to them. If we never had sexual thoughts or feelings, there would be precious little about young women to attract young men. We live in two different worlds.

    Once you admit that young men think about more than one thing, start to list those other things that young men are interested in. Contact sports (we can even turn non-contact sports into contact sports), weapons, fast cars, blowing stuff up, jumping off things, fighting, exploring, etc. etc. etc.

    In my childhood there were two neighborhood girls that wanted to play with the neighborhood boys. At first this was no big deal, but we soon learned that they slowed us down when we were exploring, they couldn’t fight with us (back then hitting a girl was a definite No-No), they wanted the GI Joes to have a wedding, and they wanted to play “touch” football. In the interest of avoiding a gender war, I must point out that girls who actually do like contact sports and train to compete in them can and do excell.

    Turns out, they really weren’t interested in the things we liked; they were interested in us. I guess you could say they only had one thing on their minds 😉

    Sadly, we weren’t interested in having a couple of girls around to ruin our fun, so we convinced them (not so nicely) to stop following us around.

    Fast forward five years: I still liked all the same things as before, plus now I really liked Wendy. I liked that she was different; that her body was different; I was attracted to her. This attraction started as a purely physical thing. Her face was gentle and kind, her body was softer and rounder, and her long hair was an asset rather than a liability. I don’t care how slow she made the hike or how many fake weddings we had to rehearse, and eh, you know touch football can be fun too.

    I didn’t marry Wendy. Didn’t even date her. But she was the first girl that I really felt any physical attraction to. Over time that physical attraction developed into an appreciation for women and the things that they like. Not everything had to be rough and tumble, punctuated by explosions and carried on the rumble of a big block engine. Life could also be sweet, emotional, calm, filled with conversation and sometimes filled with drama. Without that initial attraction (much of which is visual and physical) I don’t think I would have made this change.

    • What a great comment. Conan completely agrees.
      This is just one more area where we need to not only accept each other’s differences, but embrace them.

  3. I have heard that most people do things that they think the other person would like (at least those that like each other!) As I guy, it is a HUGE vote of confidence if my wife ever would lustfully grab my back end. It gives me a headache when I try and understand how a wife would take this as anything but a positive – of course in private and in an otherwise good relationship. Having said that, my wife asked me not to do it – so I don’t ever. But it is like holding back a hungry pit bull trying to get a steak in front of him. OK – Bad analogy as women are not just a chunk of meat. 🙂

    Wifes – try grabbing your hubbies backside, or even being so bold as to really catch him offguard and come up behind him and slip your hands down into his pants and see if you get his attention.

    • Your comment reinforces this difference between men and women. Women don’t understand why you would do such a thing, and men don’t understand why women don’t want them to do it. I think women should relax about it, and just take the compliment!

      But you’re very sweet not to do it because she asked you not to. Maybe someday she’ll change her mind!

    • …but that IS exactly the analogy you chose and it IS the very reason we don’t like it, can’t you see that? We do know that sex DOESN’T = love with men and if your entire physical and mental connection with us is strictly sexual then what makes us any different than any other woman you might have picked up at the club in your life? It’s actually more insulting because it implies that we have been ‘assigned’ to be your lifetime groping toy so that you don’t have to go out (or stay in) and work for it any more!

      • So this comment has been sitting in my pending file for a month now. Sorry about that.
        But I think you missed my point. The groping is a sign of affection and love. It’s NOT to imply that you are his personal little sex toy and nothing else. (Although…being a personal little sex toy? Hmmmmm, sounds fun to me.) ANYWAY…
        No, sex does not have to equal love in a man’s world. However, love absolutely equals sex to a man. So if your man loves you, he wants sex with you. And sexual touching. And sexual talking. And if your man loves you, in some subconscious way he wants to know you are HIS. And thus the grab.
        Now, your point about the ENTIRE connection being strictly sexual is a good one. If that is the case, something is wrong, for sure. If that is the case for you, then you are right to feel the way you do.
        I guess you have to look at the entire package. Does he say/show he loves you? Does he try his best to provide for you? Is he a nice, normal, average guy? Those are things for a woman to think about before getting upset about your husband grabbing you.
        Guys…any thoughts?

  4. I find it funny and ironic that after I put up this post someone found my blog with yet another search “husband constantly gropes my breasts”. ha ha!!

  5. I am using bio-identical hormones including testosterone for menopausal issues. Finding the right dosage of these hormones is an experimental process. Awhile ago my doctor raised the testosterone dosage and soon after I found that I couldn’t stop thinking about sex. It was on my mind ALL the time. (yes even during the sacrament lol) One day my husband came into the kitchen to get a drink and I found myself groping his butt as he turned his back to me. He turned toward me with a shocked look on his face. I was a tad bit embarrassed as this was not a normal occurrence for me. (It is now -wink wink) We both broke out laughing when I said “Oh my gosh – I am turning into a man!” Shortly after my doctor re-tested my hormone levels and my testosterone had shot up to over a 10 times the normal level it should be. Thankfully, we have since adjusted it back down, and I can actually think about other things now. But, I can say with all honesty – I now know what it feels like to be a man and quite frankly, I don’t know how they manage to have any self control at all! lol

  6. This is beautiful. Love the comment from the woman who had too much testosterone. Whish all women could get a chance at that experience.

    Of course they probably wish we could have a chance at experiencing childbirth, and I’m not ready to trade places! Still, I find much more empathy from men to pregnant women then from women to horny men.

  7. I know this is 5 years old, but I needed to say this: My husband of 18 years ( whome I have been with for a total of 23 years) NEVER groped my breasts before. In the past it was my butt, and very infrequently and when he did it I was never offended. In the past 5 years something has drastically changed in him. He has begun cornering me like a predator and groping my boobs, my lower, and using the fact that he is taller than me to grab and hold me in place! When I am asleep in bed he gropes me, I wake up swinging! When I am in the kitchen getting a drink of water he gropes me! When I am watching tv he gropes me! When I am cooking or have a knife for cutting up food prep, he gropes me!And its not my butt anymore it’s always my boobs! I actually cringe when he closes our bedroom door and gets this lecherous grin on his face. I am in NO way aroused, I’m actually scared. He gropes me in front of my 24 year old disabled son and I don’t think it is appropriate. He does it in front of our daughters 21 and 19, and I don’t think it is a good example for them! I asked and keep asking him not to touch my breasts without intimacy butt he keeps doing it and worse he jokes and says things like “That wasn’t a grope, I was caressing your nipple.” I don’t like the feeling I have when he touches me like this. Turn off is not even the word I would use, I am disgusted and I feel dirty and the last time I felt this way was everytime my father molested me! Let’s be clear, I know my husband is not a molester, he saved me from my dad, but the look on his face, the jokes when I’m not comfortable after he touches me makes me FEEL like I was just molested 😡. I’ve talked, begged and I don’t know what else I can do to make him stop. I actually find myself hoping he’ll go to sleep before me so we don’t have to have sex, because even when we do his touch is without love, or affection. There is no need in it and all I feel is his want. I get your point about we should feel loved when this happens but honestly, all I feel is dirty and used 😡

    • I would consider this borderline abuse. In fact, I have changed my mind just a bit about this subject and although I do not blog here anymore due to changes in my life circumstances, I want this comment out there for people to see. It’s important to know the difference between welcome and unwelcome touching of any kind.
      I’m sorry this is happening to you.
      If someone is doing this sort of thing to a spouse, it is indicative of lack of respect, lack of love and consideration, and putting the relationship at risk.

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