Archive | June 2011

Music to Make Love To

I’ve been thinking of sexy song lyrics after talking about ZZ Top and “Pearl Necklace”.  I really don’t think that ZZ Top is quite right for making love to, but someone might think so.  Maybe listen to them WHILE you are giving your wife a pearl necklace.  Ha ha!!  (Sorry, that was very naughty of me.)

Here are some sexy songs that make me want to take my clothes off  (Is that too much information??)  Okay, in other words, great sexy music!

  • Dr. Hook, A Little Bit More
  • Dr. Hook, Stayin’ the Night Together
  • Dr. Hook, Sexy Eyes
  • Isley Brothers, Between the Sheets
  • Isley Brothers, For the Love of You
  • Isley Brothers, Lets Lay Together
  • Anita Baker, Sweet Love
  • Anita Baker, Been So Long
  • Anita Baker, Body and Soul
  • Earth Wind and Fire, Let’s Groove
  • Teddy Pendergrass, Turn off the Lights
  • Teddy Pendergrass, Close the Door
  • Salt n Peppa, Push It
  • Tone Loc, Wild Thing
  • Van Halen, Everybody Wants Some
  • Def Leppard, Lady Strange
  • Def  Leppard, Mirror Mirror
  • Def Leppard, Pour Some Sugar On Me
  • Scorpions, No One Like You
  • Scorpions, Only a Man
  • Scorpions, You Give Me All I Need
  • Scorpions, Animal Magnetism
There are so many, and these are only a few that I really, really like.  Conan said, but honey, a few of these songs aren’t even about sex.  I said, yeah, well, all I know is they make me want to take my clothes off!
What are some of your favorites??

Mark 10:8

One-Flesh-Web-7.jpg     One-Flesh-Web-6.jpg

Mark 10:8  And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

We become one when we are physically, literally joined together in love making, but I think this means more than that.  Conan and I are continually progressing at becoming “one” with each other.  Getting closer together, relying on each other, relating to each other in spirit and mind, as well.  We’ve been married a long time, and throughout the years we have become less and less just two people in love (most of the time), living their lives together.  It’s become so much more than that, and I feel it will get even closer as more years go by.

However, I think it would be extremely difficult for us to achieve that same sort of “oneness” if we didn’t become “one flesh” on a regular basis.  Lovemaking connects us in an incredibly special way.  I have found that if we go for too long without making love, I don’t feel that oneness, and the closeness starts to fade just a little.   Conan doesn’t articulate his feelings in that way, but if he did I know he’d say the same.

I know that I am growing to cherish our unity and how we complete each other.  We really are becoming one.

Keeping the Spark, Rated R

Trying new things or just doing something that’s not part of your normal routine is very fun.  It will make you feel good to surprise your husband, and it’ll make him worship the ground you walk on.  Here are some fun things to do once in a while.

Do a strip tease.  Try not to laugh, but if you do, he won’t mind a bit.  I personally cannot get through a strip tease without cracking up.  And Conan still likes it.  ; )

Initiate, and be the one in control through the entire experience.

On the flip side, tell him one night that you are his to do with whatever he wants and let him be in complete control.  There is something incredibly erotic about this.

Wake him up in the night to oral sex or manual sex.  Guys will almost always be willing to give up sleep for sex.  And I’m pretty sure most of them would think they were still dreaming!

Write an erotic poem or story about the two of you (think Song of Solomon) then be sure to act it out.  Once again, laughter is just fine!  At some point I think you’ll stop laughing.

Bring him to climax on your breasts.  In cruder terms this is a “pearl necklace” (remember ZZ Top, anyone?) or “snow on the mountains”.  I would venture to guess that most guys would love this.

After the kids are in bed, come downstairs in nothing but a smile, then straighten up the room that he’s in.  It goes without saying (I’m still going to say it), make sure the curtains and blinds are closed!!!  What happens after that is up to you!

Position a mirror in just the right place so he can watch what’s happening in that mirror!  We have a pier group style “thing” (I have such great vocab!) with mirrors for the headboard/nightstands of our bed.   We got it in the 90’s and it’s slightly outdated as far as style goes, but it is solid oak and the nicest furniture we own, so I’m loath to get rid of it.  But the biggest negative is we wouldn’t have those mirrors anymore.   They are hot!

If there are any guys out there that would NOT like these things, feel free to let me know.

Song of Solomon, 7:10

Song of Solomon, 7:10  “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.”

Is there any normal woman who doesn’t want her husband’s desire to be towards her?  We certainly don’t want his desire to be towards somebody else!

Ladies, if you want your husband’s desire to be towards you, and he is a normal, average guy, show him that your desire is towards him!  Say yes!  Or better yet, surprise him by initiating.  Your husband will be on cloud nine and his desire will DEFINITELY be towards you!

Sex when the kids are little

As members of the church, we know that motherhood is a very important role we women have in the world.  Giving life is an incredible thing.  Caring for that little life is a huge responsibility and also can give us great joy.    Of course, fatherhood is just as important, and we are taught that mothers and fathers work together as equal partners to raise children in the gospel.   Is it possible that our Mormon culture ( culture, not doctrine or scripture)  has taken this gospel doctrine to an extreme that has the potential to hurt marriages?  It would be pretty easy to immerse ourselves into our roles as mothers to the detriment of our roles as wives.  Let’s not forget that if we do what’s right, we can have our husband with us for eternity.  And as much as we want our children with us for eternity, too, well, that just might not happen.  As it is, even if it does happen, those children will be sealed to their own spouses and be their own unit.  So it really does come down to your husband.   I’m not suggesting we swing the pendulum too far in the other direction, of course, and neglect our children.  But it is certainly possible to nurture your marriage and your children.  In fact, one of the best things we can do for our children is have a good marriage.  I just wish Conan and I had been better an nurturing our marriage back when our kids were little!

I recently had my two beautiful granddaughters for the weekend.  One is under two  and one is in Kindergarten.    They are so sweet and wonderful!  Being a grandma is one of the best things in the world!  I just have to say that in Grandmaland there is no “Step” or “Blood” grandma or grandchild.  There is only grandma and grandchild.  It is a beautiful, wonderful thing.  Especially since I can say with assuredness that I look NOTHING like a grandma.  😉

Anyway, this brought many memories and feelings rushing back to me from when my own kids were babies  (my youngest is 10), as it usually does when we get to keep the little girls for awhile.   So I’ve been thinking a lot these last few days about our sex life when the kids were little and how the kids affected that and what we could have done differently.

When the kids were little, it really was extremely difficult for me to want to be sexual.  I’d pretty much had my fill of physical touch by the end of the day, what with hugging, holding, carrying, nursing, feeding, clothing, and bathing children.  And sleep was hard to come by when the baby didn’t sleep through the night until he was 14 months old and the toddler  got up at 5:30 a.m. like our own little rooster.  Then they didn’t nap at the same time, and the oldest was involved in extracurricular activities so we were running around going to T-ball, etc.   Not to mention working and taking care of the house and fulfilling my calling!  I’m exhausted just WRITING about it!   So yes, it was very hard to even think about sex, much less actually DO sex!

I remember how tired I was all the time.   Lack of sleep makes me  irritable and short tempered, for starters.   My  sleep is important!  I need my sleep.    Back then  I would not give up my sleep for sex.  I just could not do it.  Sleep or sex?  Hmmmmm, no contest.  Sleep.  Conan, on the other hand, would give up sleep at the drop of the hat for any type of sex.

With sex last on my list, it was the first thing to get set aside for another time.   ANY other time.  I distinctly remember telling my girlfriend that if someone told me I’d never have sex again in my whole life I’d say, “Oh?   Please pass the salt.”  Can any of you relate???

So what’s the solution?  Sadly, we never did figure it out.   I can think of a lot of things we could have done and should have done, but we didn’t.   Our unspoken solution was to tough it out until the kids got older.  This did not help our marriage, though, I can tell you that!  Especially since we never really agreed to do that, it just kind of happened that way.  I suffered through a lack of support.  He suffered through a lack of intimacy and sex.  It simply got easier when the kids got older.  After that  I could forget about those few years of craziness and fatigue.

I think things would have been much better had I felt supported and been helped more.   I might have been more willing to give up a little sleep twice a week if Conan had taken over for me on Saturday mornings and let me catch up on sleep for a few hours.   Maybe he could have been in charge of dinner one night a week.   It could have been any little thing to help me.

On my side of things, I think I could have placed more importance on my marriage relationship and made time to reconnect with my husband  sexually and emotionally.  I should have set aside a half hour once in a while for Conan.   I could have and should have done it.  I should have sacrificed my favorite TV show or the chapter of that book I just had to read.  I should have prayed about it.  I should have asked the Lord for help.   I might not have ever received all the support and help I needed from Conan,  but at least there would be one less source of contention in our lives, and I firmly believe that without that source of contention, other things would have come along, as well.  I couldn’t change Conan, I should have been working on changing myself.  I should have said to myself, “Self, if you are committed to this marriage you need to do what it takes to make it good, regardless of what he is or isn’t doing.”   It’s just so much easier to point to what your spouse needs to do instead of what you need to do.   However, marriage is hard work and both people should love and serve each other as much as possible.

Anyway, we were lucky to recover from having small children in the house.   I find it extremely ironic that we want to do this thing that creates children, but then the children come and  all that comes with them can actually get in the way of us doing what creates children!

What are some ways that you try to keep sex and intimacy in your marriage with small children?

One Hit Wonder???

Conan says I’m a one hit wonder, a flash in the pan and my 15 minutes of fame is up.

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog!  Thanks to everyone who comments!  Now I would like to have more, of course :).

Anybody have any ideas on how I can get my blog noticed?  I tried to get on the list of mormonblogs and they are not adding to their list anymore.  My blog name is probably all wrong, too.   I don’t pop up in Google searches much.

Suggestions would be appreciated!!

Oral Sex for Me

Just a little caution with this post.  I may be more explicit than some are comfortable with.

Black Iris, Georgia O'Keeffe

I have one thing to say before I start into the subject of my post.  And that is about “The Letter” from 1982.   If you don’t know what this “letter” is, don’t worry about it.  Forget it.  I have been a member of  the church my entire life, and never heard about this letter until just a few short months ago.  I can find no reference to it AT ALL on lds.org.   I got my temple recommend almost six years ago now, and nothing at all was mentioned in my temple prep classes about it, and nothing was mentioned in my temple recommend interview about it.  If this was church policy, people would be hearing  about it.  If it was a sin that could keep you from the temple, people would be hearing about it.  What about all the new converts since this letter?  All of them are happily going about their lives, quite a few probably having great oral sex, with no idea that some of the older members of the church are convinced that it’s a sin.   The church stays out of our bedrooms.  The marriage bed is undefiled (see Hebrews 13:4).  That’s all I have to say about it.   On to the post!

As you may know, Conan was not my first.  But even though I have a slightly checkered past, my experience with oral sex could just as easily be with one partner.  Anyway, my first boyfriend performed oral sex on me, and that turned out to be the only way I could orgasm.   Here’s the rub, I didn’t like it.  I was extremely self conscious of my look and scent.

I thought my vulva looked ugly.   Now, I’d seen some porn and all I knew was that my vulva didn’t look like the vulvas on those women.  So I didn’t like mine.  Well, here’s something no one ever told me.  Those women have every little hair waxed off from front to back, sometimes with the exception of a small strip in the front called a “landing strip”.    And the hairs that don’t come off with the wax get plucked out by hand by someone VERY  up close and personal.    That may be common knowledge in 2011, but back in 1984, before the internet, how would a sheltered girl from a small town know such a thing?   I certainly didn’t.

Well, anyway, if I ever did orgasm, it was through oral sex, so I put up with it.  The ends justify the means, that sort of thing!

My next boyfriend, The Boyfriend, did not want to do oral sex on me.  It was definitely all about him.  See my “Gasp, Swallowing” post.  Anyway, in one of his more “giving” moments, he decided he was going to bring me to orgasm manually.  It didn’t happen.  But the fact that he didn’t want to do oral sex on me just reinforced my negative opinion and attitude about it.

Hello, Conan the Barbarian!  Conan at least willingly did what I needed to be satisfied, but I think I projected some of my negativity onto him.  I thought he didn’t like it.  I think I may have conditioned Conan to not like it, and I reinforced my own conditioning that it wasn’t a good thing.  He used to comment about lingering scents in his mustache (in a good way, by the way).  I told him how gross  I thought that was.   I think I may have talked him into feeling like it wasn’t very good.   Conan being Conan, he kept working at pleasing me in other ways until he had mastered the art of manual stimulation and then we completely stopped doing oral sex for me, because I was just so much more comfortable with manual stimulation and it was so much easier for me to orgasm.

This may be far out of some people’s comfort zones, but one of the things we really enjoy doing is switching back and forth from intercourse to my giving Conan oral sex and back again.  I got the idea to do this when I saw how much Conan liked it when I would suck his fingers after he touched me.  If he liked that so much, how much more would he like oral after intercourse?  Answer:  A lot.  When I started doing that, of course I was going to experience my own taste and scent.  I discovered that it is not bad, not gross, not disgusting.    I would say it’s actually very nice.

Then I found an interesting forum on the internet, TheMarriageBed.com, and some of the threads wax poetic about oral sex for her.  Women love it.  Men love it.  To hear them talk about it, you’d think it was the best thing in the world!  Okay, so now I want to experience this “best thing in the world” for myself.   Trouble is, I can’t quite bring myself to actually do it.  I still cringe at the thought that maybe Conan won’t enjoy it.  I think if my mental attitude is not right, then even if it feels good I’m not going to like it.

(I even bought a waxing kit and am ready to rip all the hair out of my vulva to make it more appealing.  Except that I’m just a little chicken.  Waxing the bikini line and shaving some bits  is one thing, waxing those bits is quite another.  YIKES!)

I’ve talked to Conan a bit about this.  He thinks I just need to not worry about what other people are doing, that what we are doing works for us.   He thinks I obsess over things and have spent too much time on TheMarriageBed.com. ( He just may be right about that, by the way.  I”m like a dog with a bone.)   I say, well, what if it’s good now?  What if I like it now?  He does say it’s not his favorite thing, but he’d be more than willing if he thought that I liked it as much as manual stimulation.  Well, I just want to try it again!  We’ve been married a long time, lots of our likes and dislikes have changed, more than just sexually, and I’m thinking this just might be one of those things.   Maybe.  I just cannot get over the mental block that Conan doesn’t like it and won’t like it and then it’s ruined for me.   Then I get all self-conscious just THINKING about it and that’s an orgasm shut-down if there ever was one.  I keep telling myself, tonight I’m going to ask for it.  Tonight comes and goes and I don’t ask.  I get as nervous as if I’m about to sing a solo in church, ha ha!  HOWEVER, I do sing solos in church, and I sound quite lovely, if I do say so myself.  If I can do that, surely I can ask my husband to give me oral sex, to experiment, to keep at it until I’m comfortable with it.  And then maybe it can be a part of what we do sometimes.  I want to make our already wonderful sex life even better.  I want to experience all there is to experience with Conan.   I just have to ask.

That was going to be the end of my post, but here’s something I just discovered, this minute, about myself!   “LIGHT BULB MOMENT!”  I don’t want to ask.  I want Conan to just do it.   With enthusiasm.  Not taking no for an answer.  Hey, I sound exactly like the guys who wish their wives would give them oral sex once in awhile without being asked!   Wow, am I gaining some empathy here!

My advice to myself is:  I’m just going to have to relax and ask.  Relax, Zookie, and ASK!  I’m pretty sure that eventually I won’t have to ask any more.    ‘Cause Conan is just that awesome.