That Elusive Female Orgasm

Several years ago a friend of mine told me that there were two types of female orgasms, internal and external.  In other words, clitoral and vaginal or G-spot orgasms.  I flat out did not believe her.  Orgasms come from clitoral stimulation and that is that, I thought.    Well, I rationalized, maybe these women just don’t even KNOW what an orgasm really is.   Maybe they just think they are having one?  After awhile, I started thinking, well, maybe they’re right and I’m the one missing out!  I’m not having this kind of orgasm.   Am I defective because I can’t orgasm through penetration?  Why is it so easy in bodice ripper novels for the woman to climax?  The man just enters her, spends just the right amount of time doing just the right thing, and KAPOW!  Climax!  But that’s fiction, right?  Penthouse Forum for women.  We all know those Penthouse stories are made up, and so are the sex scenes in the bodice ripper novels, right?  But wait, maybe not!   Is there something wrong with me?  Or something wrong with my husband? Why would I hear about women orgasming from penile penetration alone, with no clitoral stimulation, if it didn’t happen?   WHAT’S THE DEAL, HERE???

Then I found some statistics that made me feel better.  Only about 30% of women can reach climax through penile penetration.  Whew!  I’m not broken!  But then I found a site that refuted that statistic, saying it was false and we women just had to LEARN how to have these types of orgasms, and that we all could if we really wanted to.  Here we go again.  I already had to LEARN how to have a clitoral orgasm for crack’s sake, and now I have to learn how to have a vaginal orgasm.

Some time later Conan found the G-spot.   I said, wow, Conan, where did you learn THAT?!?  He got a Men’s Health article in his e-mail about finding the G-spot.  What a nice e-mail!   The  G-spot is a good spot!  Yay, yay, hip hip hooray for Men’s Health.    I’m loving this new thing.  And hey, maybe I’ll get to have that kind of O now!  But guess what?  It did NOT happen.  Don’t get me wrong, the spot is great.  This new thing in our bedroom is never going off the table, so to speak.  But I am not O-ing from it.  AAARRRGGGGHHH!!!

Well, aren’t there supposed to be positions that are more conducive to a female orgasm?  Oh, yeah, the recommended position that is supposed to be a surefire winner for a woman to orgasm during intercourse is woman on top.  Mmmm-hmmmm,  woman on top is a great position!  Very, very nice.  But no orgasm.  Nope, not even a little bit.

Conan the Barbarian gets irritated with me when I start talking about this woman or that woman having an orgasm during intercourse.  He says, why can’t you just be happy with the kazillion orgasms you get from manual stimulation, huh?  Why not?  Well, I am quite happy with them, thank you very much, Conan!!!  They are great!  Mindblowing!  Full body ecstasy!  And they keep happening in waves and waves of deliciousness.  (I should stop now, I know, I can get carried away.)    So why can’t I just be happy with them and move on?  Huh?  Why?

Well, I’ll tell you.  I just can’t stand the thought of something good out there on the sex menu that I’m not getting to try.  It’s like (here we go with food analogies) seeing the chocolate caramel fudge  torte with whipped cream on the menu, hearing everyone rave about how good it is, but not getting to EAT IT!!  Not fair, I cry!  I want what she’s having, okay?  Don’t say, you can have lemon and white chocolate mousse with strawberries  now go be happy about it.  Yes, I love that!  But I already HAVE that!  Okay, well, maybe I have the chocolate caramel fudge torte with whipped cream and she has the lemon and white chocolate mousse with strawberries.  In either case, I. Want. What. She’s. Having.  End of story.

8 thoughts on “That Elusive Female Orgasm

  1. Liked the post! I can orgasm during intercourse but it definitely is not from penetration alone. I have to have a heavy dose of clitoral stimulation against his pubic bone for it to happen. I agree the woman on top is best, but not how most probably picture it where the woman is straddling. It’s more like just laying on top with legs straight back.

  2. Very interesting post. I used to work with a bunch of women (aged 20 to 35). None of them LDS, all of them sexually active and moderately to extremely promiscuous. It was a long long boring shift, and occasionally the topic of conversation would land on sex. Only two of the women had orgasms through intercourse only and they both said it only happened if they were with a man with a much larger than average penis. At that point I gave up trying to be my wife’s bodice ripping stud.

    We can reach her climax occasionally thorugh intercourse but it is still due to clitoral stimulation kind of like Adrienne described above. We don’t do that very often because it requires quite a bit of movement on her part (man on top or woman on top) and she doesn’t care to move much while we are making love. Once I think, she may have had an orgasm without heavy pelvic grinding. This was at the end of an entire week of sex (we were trying to get pregnant) so we had intercourse much much longer than usual, I could have lasted hours if she wanted. We had never had sex that often before, and we haven’t since. I wonder if that had anything to do with it.

    I read an article about finding the G-spot as well, but my wife is averse to exploring her own body, and doesn’t want me exploring either. Her body is NOT a wonderland.

    • Foo,
      Nothing I’ve ever heard or read about points to a larger penis being the cause of orgasms. I think that in much the same way guys can exaggerate when they talk about sex, women do, too. Especially younger women, who are much more free with their sex talk than the previous generation. In light of that, I’d bet those girls were a lot of talk.

      I’m always so sad to hear about your wife’s attitude. She’s really missing out physically and emotionally, and she doesn’t even know it.

  3. I don’t know. I guess it could just be exaggeration, but the conversation was frank, and I didn’t get the feeling that these were fish stories.

    You are probably right about the younger generation of women talking more openly of sex. I think though that might lend some credence to their reports. Maybe the reason you’ve never heard or read anything about the merits of much larger than average penises is because it just isn’t something that the previous generations talked about. Also, following the social and moral changes of the past 50 years women are having sex with more and more men. It is likely that there are more and more women who are having sexual encounters with large penised (haha) men. If they keep comparing notes it may come to light that a large penis makes an internal type of orgasm much more likely.

  4. My wife would be better to explain that but she’s up at Girls Camp! LOL

    My wife has 2 kinds of orgasms. One which we achieve thru stimulation of various means and one which she only can achieve thru the use of a vibrator. Believe me, I TRY to give her “The Big One” myself and she is multi-orgasmic. These orgasms I give her are very strong, she reacts strongly to them and she says they feel great but NOT as great as “The Big One”. Before we got married she had had only one of the big orgasms in her life, back when she was 12 and somehow, someway had it while masturbating. It actually kinda scared her at the time.

    Fast forward to our marriage. Close to 30 years later and we are both on our 3rd marriage. She’s had orgasms before, very sexually active, but not had the big one. I probably don’t need to ad more details, just that we “re-discovered” this “Big Orgasm” and she’s very happy. She had actually forgotten about that time when she was 12.

    The point I really want to make is that thru all the years she never had the big O and thus while she found sex satisfying to a point she always felt something was missing. Now she knows what it is. We both have wondered if that is what women who “struggle” with sexual desire or other sexual problems in a marriage are missing too and if they could have “the Big One” their whole sexual world (and perhaps their spouses) would go to a new level of desire.

    I hope I was able to express my thoughts correctly so everyone could understand.

    • Interesting. I feel like all my Os are big ones. I’ve never had a small one. Anyway, I guess it’s impossible to relate since I’ve never experienced two different kinds. I’m glad she has rediscovered the Big One!

  5. Other than that time when she was 12 and had totally forgotten about, she didn’t realize there were 2 kinds either. She always had orgasms and they felt great but somewhere in her mind she did not feel totally fulfilled. After experiencing the big one she now realizes why men want to fall asleep right after orgasm, because that’s the way she feels afterwards. It’s like we are both paralyzed afterwards with neither one of us wanting to move!!!! LOL

  6. ccman, so explain a little bit more about the use of the vibrator… just stimulation on the clitorus, or to the G-spot?

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