Oral Sex for Me

Just a little caution with this post.  I may be more explicit than some are comfortable with.

Black Iris, Georgia O'Keeffe

I have one thing to say before I start into the subject of my post.  And that is about “The Letter” from 1982.   If you don’t know what this “letter” is, don’t worry about it.  Forget it.  I have been a member of  the church my entire life, and never heard about this letter until just a few short months ago.  I can find no reference to it AT ALL on lds.org.   I got my temple recommend almost six years ago now, and nothing at all was mentioned in my temple prep classes about it, and nothing was mentioned in my temple recommend interview about it.  If this was church policy, people would be hearing  about it.  If it was a sin that could keep you from the temple, people would be hearing about it.  What about all the new converts since this letter?  All of them are happily going about their lives, quite a few probably having great oral sex, with no idea that some of the older members of the church are convinced that it’s a sin.   The church stays out of our bedrooms.  The marriage bed is undefiled (see Hebrews 13:4).  That’s all I have to say about it.   On to the post!

As you may know, Conan was not my first.  But even though I have a slightly checkered past, my experience with oral sex could just as easily be with one partner.  Anyway, my first boyfriend performed oral sex on me, and that turned out to be the only way I could orgasm.   Here’s the rub, I didn’t like it.  I was extremely self conscious of my look and scent.

I thought my vulva looked ugly.   Now, I’d seen some porn and all I knew was that my vulva didn’t look like the vulvas on those women.  So I didn’t like mine.  Well, here’s something no one ever told me.  Those women have every little hair waxed off from front to back, sometimes with the exception of a small strip in the front called a “landing strip”.    And the hairs that don’t come off with the wax get plucked out by hand by someone VERY  up close and personal.    That may be common knowledge in 2011, but back in 1984, before the internet, how would a sheltered girl from a small town know such a thing?   I certainly didn’t.

Well, anyway, if I ever did orgasm, it was through oral sex, so I put up with it.  The ends justify the means, that sort of thing!

My next boyfriend, The Boyfriend, did not want to do oral sex on me.  It was definitely all about him.  See my “Gasp, Swallowing” post.  Anyway, in one of his more “giving” moments, he decided he was going to bring me to orgasm manually.  It didn’t happen.  But the fact that he didn’t want to do oral sex on me just reinforced my negative opinion and attitude about it.

Hello, Conan the Barbarian!  Conan at least willingly did what I needed to be satisfied, but I think I projected some of my negativity onto him.  I thought he didn’t like it.  I think I may have conditioned Conan to not like it, and I reinforced my own conditioning that it wasn’t a good thing.  He used to comment about lingering scents in his mustache (in a good way, by the way).  I told him how gross  I thought that was.   I think I may have talked him into feeling like it wasn’t very good.   Conan being Conan, he kept working at pleasing me in other ways until he had mastered the art of manual stimulation and then we completely stopped doing oral sex for me, because I was just so much more comfortable with manual stimulation and it was so much easier for me to orgasm.

This may be far out of some people’s comfort zones, but one of the things we really enjoy doing is switching back and forth from intercourse to my giving Conan oral sex and back again.  I got the idea to do this when I saw how much Conan liked it when I would suck his fingers after he touched me.  If he liked that so much, how much more would he like oral after intercourse?  Answer:  A lot.  When I started doing that, of course I was going to experience my own taste and scent.  I discovered that it is not bad, not gross, not disgusting.    I would say it’s actually very nice.

Then I found an interesting forum on the internet, TheMarriageBed.com, and some of the threads wax poetic about oral sex for her.  Women love it.  Men love it.  To hear them talk about it, you’d think it was the best thing in the world!  Okay, so now I want to experience this “best thing in the world” for myself.   Trouble is, I can’t quite bring myself to actually do it.  I still cringe at the thought that maybe Conan won’t enjoy it.  I think if my mental attitude is not right, then even if it feels good I’m not going to like it.

(I even bought a waxing kit and am ready to rip all the hair out of my vulva to make it more appealing.  Except that I’m just a little chicken.  Waxing the bikini line and shaving some bits  is one thing, waxing those bits is quite another.  YIKES!)

I’ve talked to Conan a bit about this.  He thinks I just need to not worry about what other people are doing, that what we are doing works for us.   He thinks I obsess over things and have spent too much time on TheMarriageBed.com. ( He just may be right about that, by the way.  I”m like a dog with a bone.)   I say, well, what if it’s good now?  What if I like it now?  He does say it’s not his favorite thing, but he’d be more than willing if he thought that I liked it as much as manual stimulation.  Well, I just want to try it again!  We’ve been married a long time, lots of our likes and dislikes have changed, more than just sexually, and I’m thinking this just might be one of those things.   Maybe.  I just cannot get over the mental block that Conan doesn’t like it and won’t like it and then it’s ruined for me.   Then I get all self-conscious just THINKING about it and that’s an orgasm shut-down if there ever was one.  I keep telling myself, tonight I’m going to ask for it.  Tonight comes and goes and I don’t ask.  I get as nervous as if I’m about to sing a solo in church, ha ha!  HOWEVER, I do sing solos in church, and I sound quite lovely, if I do say so myself.  If I can do that, surely I can ask my husband to give me oral sex, to experiment, to keep at it until I’m comfortable with it.  And then maybe it can be a part of what we do sometimes.  I want to make our already wonderful sex life even better.  I want to experience all there is to experience with Conan.   I just have to ask.

That was going to be the end of my post, but here’s something I just discovered, this minute, about myself!   “LIGHT BULB MOMENT!”  I don’t want to ask.  I want Conan to just do it.   With enthusiasm.  Not taking no for an answer.  Hey, I sound exactly like the guys who wish their wives would give them oral sex once in awhile without being asked!   Wow, am I gaining some empathy here!

My advice to myself is:  I’m just going to have to relax and ask.  Relax, Zookie, and ASK!  I’m pretty sure that eventually I won’t have to ask any more.    ‘Cause Conan is just that awesome.

11 thoughts on “Oral Sex for Me

  1. IMHO, wives wanting husbands to do something (anything, not just sexual) without being asked or told are setting themselves up for disappointment and resentment. Disappointment because husbands really can’t read minds and probably won’t do whatever it is, leading to the wife being disappointed. And that leads to resentment: “That’s so typical of him; the only thing that’s important to him is what he wants! I guess my feelings are just to unimportant to consider. The bastard!” I’m just sayin’…

    • Norm, you are right that women shouldn’t expect their husbands to read their minds. I don’t necessarily think “That’s so typical of him; the only thing that’s important to him is what he wants! I guess my feelings are just to unimportant to consider. The bastard!” is what most women think, though. And I hope that’s not what you think I’m doing. And just to be clear, my advice to myself was to go ahead and ASK him!
      In general, that’s my advice to all women. If you want something from your husband, spell it out. Ask. Don’t make him guess. Or you’ll only drive him crazy and be disappointed, as you so succinctly pointed out.

  2. I think that the key to Conan liking giving OS to you are:

    1. You are fresh and clean
    2. You must really enjoy the “gift” and he must SEE that you enjoy it – by your movements and sounds
    3. You must let him know that you want it.

    From my perspective, my wife doesn’t like it if I go straight for the “goods”, I must first do sufficient teasing next to the labia, up and down both sides, kissing the inner thighs, the labia, etc… THEN, she will get sufficiently aroused from my teasing that she REALLY, REALLY wants it. I would suggest that Conan take that approach, if this is not how he has done it in the past. 🙂

    • Thanks Chet! I think the key to success in this area is following 2 and 3 (1 is a given). So it comes back down to me not being self conscious about it.

  3. I’ll try not to be too graphic–After showing my wife your blog the other day, we had an incredible time last night! I had to work night shift, and I received a couple of sexy picture messages on my phone (she is usually too much of a Good Girl to do that =) Needless to say, i took the hint a broke a few speed limits on the way home! I gave her a great O with OS, and then it was my turn! After I was warmed up, she hopped on. After a while, we went to change positions, and she immediately switched back to OS! No washcloth first, no nothing. It was amazing! When I read your post, I just wanted my wife to be willing to do that for me, and she obviously read it too, and did it without asking! She definitely paid attention to your post, and gave me what I wanted without asking! She completely made love to my biggest sex organ, THE MIND!! I don’t think I can thank her enough for what she did for me!
    Now, about your concern, use your biggest sex organ! You know how much you enjoy giving Conan pleasure? Give him the opportunity to pay you back! I definitely receive more than I give, so I cherish all of my opportunities!
    Keep up the good work, and keep blessing us regular folk with your wisdom!

    • *Jumps up and down and claps* Yay, yay, yay! I’m very happy for you and your wife! And thank you for telling me about it!
      Conan laughed at your “wisdom” comment and says to be careful, my head is getting big, ha ha!

  4. I’m a bit slow, so if I’m stating the obvious I apologize in advance.

    All you have to do is whisper in his ear before he goes to work in the morning, “Honey, I’ve changed my mind about you giving me oral sex. Have a great day and I’ll see you when you get home”

    Then kiss him goodbye. That’s all he needs. Trust me.

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