Does the sight of the above picture get your motor running??? Don’t laugh, it does me! What is it about a simple hotel/motel room that is such an aphrodisiac? Conan and I are like Pavlov’s dogs when we enter a hotel room. We see those beds and we start to salivate. We become ravening, lust crazed beasts.
It all started with our first hotel room without children (not including our honeymoon), which didn’t happen until well into our marriage, due to the fact that Conan came with two little ones already attached. Anyway, we walked into that room and put down our luggage and relaxed on the bed. Five seconds later we were attacking each other. We could have stayed in that hotel room all the rest of that evening, all night, and all morning until check-out. It was a sex marathon. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into me! I certainly never felt like having a sex marathon at home!
This behavior continued every time we were able to stay in a hotel by ourselves. We began to joke that we should buy some hotel furniture for our bedroom because it was like magic!
What is it about being in a hotel? Well, you have a break from bills, callings, chores, kids, and you know you don’t have to get up and go to work in the morning. You don’t have to make that bed. You don’t have to clean that shower. You are FREEEEEE!! It’s decadent. It’s luxurious. It’s exhilarating. Oh, and it’s nothing like spending the night at your in-laws, where your randy husband wants to bang you in the bed he slept in as a kid with his parents in the next room. Why does Conan always get such a sad puppy face when we are at his parents’ house and I whisper vehemently, “NO! What is wrong with you, are you CRAZY???”
Ahhh, hotel rooms. They are some of my favorite places. UNLESS:
Compare the above beautiful picture to the reality of last week, below:
This was us on vacation last week. Conan, Little Conan, Conan Jr., Zookie Jr., and Zookie. As you can see, Conan and Zookie are as far apart from each other as we can get. We are in a hotel, our minds and bodies are conditioned to respond to the stimuli, and we can’t do ANYTHING!!!
I know, I know, let’s sneak into the bathroom when they’re all asleep and do the wild thing! Wrong! Conan Jr. is an older teen and he stays up ALL NIGHT. Well, half the night. And by the time half the night is over Conan and I are snoring like buzz saws and couldn’t find our way into the bathroom to do anything, let alone the wild thing. And of course it would be just our luck that one of the little devils would wake up to go to the bathroom just as things were really heating up in there.
12-year old: Mom! Dad! What are you doing in there?
Nothing, honey, go back to sleep.
But I have to go to the bathroom!
What? Can’t you hold it?
Mom! I have to go to the bathroom and I want to go back to bed!
Fine. (Whispers) Conan, you’re going to have to wait until we get home.
No problem. Mr. Happy has lost his happiness and droops sadly, going back with Conan to the bed with the 10-year-old boy who takes up 3/4ths of the bed and puts his feet in your back.
12-year-old asks 18-year-old brother about it in the morning, and 18-year-old educates little sister on the grossness of parent sex.
That is not a dream, it’s a nightmare. And one all too likely to happen! So last week we did have a wonderful vacation, but we really, really wished we could have had a room to ourselves. Next time we are going to make sure of it.