Excuses, excuses

What have you done to get out of sex?   These are things I’ve done/said to get out of sex.

  • I’m tired
  • Have to get up early
  • We just had sex, didn’t we?
  • How can you be horny again already?
  • Stay downstairs watching TV and sneak in after he’s been asleep awhile
  • Stay downstairs doing ANYTHING and sneak in after he’s been asleep awhile
  • The kids might hear
  • I’m not in the mood
  • I’m stressed out
  • I want to watch TV
  • I want to read this book
  • I have too much to do
  • Fall asleep in child’s bed, come to bed really  late
  • Fall asleep watching TV, come to bed really late
  • I don’t feel good
  • I don’t feel an emotional connection
  • I don’t feel like being touched
  • I didn’t want to wake you up
  • I feel pressured
  • You only want me for sex
  • I’m fat
  • I have PMS
  • I just can’t get into it
  • Stop it
  • Quit it
  • No
  • Do you ever think about anything else
  • Fine, but let’s make it quick, okay
  • I’m not like porn girls
  • I’m in a bad mood
And the number one way to get out of sex, DRUM ROLL PLEASE,
START A HUGE FIGHT and/or be completely cold and aloof.
These are all things I’ve done to get out of sex.  They are all WRONG, and very bad for a marriage.
Take my advice, ladies, Do NOT Do This!  If you love your husband and want your marriage to last, do the exact opposite of this list.  And if these things are symptomatic of other problems in your marriage, STILL do the exact opposite of this list.
Today in Relief Society our lesson was on loving family relationships.  The focus was on mothering, but we did touch on the marital relationship.  We discussed that parents love and support each other.  That the greatest gift you can give your children is to love your spouse.  That we should work on being less selfish.  I raised my hand to comment but didn’t get called on, so didn’t get  a chance to say what I wanted to say.  I’m going to say now that you cannot fully show your love and support for your spouse without meeting your spouse’s sexual and intimacy needs, be you husband or wife.
Stop making excuses!!!  Bless your marriage and bless your husband.

6 thoughts on “Excuses, excuses

  1. Zookie,

    Thanks SOOO much for being willing to tell other sisters what you wanted to say. I think the only way she will even think of changing anything is if a friend (female that is) encourages her. I think some women that have a great sex life and enjoy it kind of assume others do also. Doing this can SAVE MARRIAGES!

    And great blog Zookie!

  2. Thank you very much, Guy!

    I just have to say the I read Conan just a bit of this post, but not the entire thing because I was pretty embarrassed to read the entire thing to him. Anyway, he said, hey, I’ve heard ALL those things.

    *Embarrassed laugh* that’s because this was my list. I didn’t tell him that, though. If he reads the entire post, he’ll find out.

  3. Sad to say, used them all – over and over! Looking back I ask myself, what was my problem? I don’t have any good answers – just a lot of regrets.

    So I agree – Ladies – don’t waste your precious years with excuses. The marriage you can create with having a healthy, frequent sexual relationship with your husband is incredible and worth every effort you can make! Skip the excuses and let the love flow!!!!

  4. I feel exactly the same way. I have used some of these excuses before, and felt horrible after using them that i finally just decided that there wasn’t really a reason to hold out on my husband, and I have been happy since making that mind-switch. Although there are still those occassional times when you just aren’t in the mood, but I have become very comfortable in telling my husband when those times are; no excuse, just the truth. And he respects me for it, although i make sure to make it up to him the next time!

  5. Amen. That’s it–for the women.

    And for the men–don’t put up with these excuses. Yes, be respectful, and courteous, but sometimes recognize that it’s important for the health of your relationship, and for your wife, and not just for you that you push back against these kinds of excuses.

    It’s fine if she’s not in the mood at first. Quite often women are not. That’s why you have to be persistent, take lots of time, build up well in advance, and be clear about your intentions–then prepared to overcome the initial sham defenses.

    I feel my marriage has improved significantly after I’ve learned to take a leadership role in this area, and to overcome her initial resistance. More about this in my post: Effects on Intimacy .

    Although I’ve been pretty direct–at times even physically dragging her into the bedroom and lifting her onto the bed, I’ve yet to encounter a time that when we were all done she regretted it or felt disappointed.

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