Bedtime. Lights out, doors closed, blinds and curtains tight shut against the light. Now get under the covers. Okay, let’s have some sex.
Is this you? Why? Why must you have sex in the pitch black? Why do you not want to be seen? If your husband turns on a light do you immediately freeze up and turn it back off? Do you think, “Turn out the light! I’m naked and I don’t want to see myself, let alone let my husband see me!”?
It’s hard to put yourself out there and be naked in front of someone, even your husband. I wonder what we are afraid of? I can’t speak for anyone else, but I used to be afraid that he’d take one look at me and change his mind about making love. This was when I was young and nubile and extra hot. Only I didn’t see myself as nubile and extra hot. I only saw the flaws. And in my mind, those flaws were magnified 100 fold. And I would think, why would anyone want to see that? It’s said that men are visual creatures. Well, woman can be visual creatures, too. Except that it can work against us. We see it, and we DON”T like it. And the negative visual sends our romantic feelings into a tailspin and everything shuts down.
I used to not believe Conan when he told me I was beautiful, sexy, had a great body, or any number of compliments. Granted, I had a horrible self image and had quite a bit of emotional and mental healing to do, but I do think that many women do not see their beauty and do not believe people when their looks are complimented. I could write a post 3000 words long on women and body image, cultural expectations, media influence, airbrushing, photoshopping, cosmetic alterations, and on and on and on. And I will write that post, just not today.
So we turn out the lights. We cover up. Our flaws are safely hidden away, and we can be comfortable and not be distracted by what we perceive as glaring imperfections.
Then there are our husbands. They want the lights ON! They want to SEE us and what’s happening. They’d really rather not have sex by Braille. They want to see your face. They want to see your body. They want to see it all. Why? you ask. Okay, I don’t know. They just do. I’m sure there’s a study out there somewhere about it.
I was listening to Dr. Laura one day and she said that men don’t need their wife to have a perfect naked body, they just want their wife’s naked body pressed against them. She then got tons of emails from guys confirming just that. Whoever is supposed to be the latest hottie, our husbands don’t care if we look like them or not. They just want to see their WIFE!
Now, here is something to think about. Because we know that men are visual, we know they likely do have images in their heads. Whose image do you want in his head? Yours or some stranger’s? Oh, yours? Well, how is he supposed to have your image in his head if he never SEES you naked??? I read a post about some poor guy who hadn’t seen his wife naked in two years. TWO YEARS. He wanted to, but she was very uptight about it.
Fill your husband’s head with images of you. Getting dressed. Getting undressed. Getting in the shower. Getting out of the shower. Walking across the room to lock the door. Lying on the bed. Before sex, during sex and after sex. Get the idea?
I know how hard it can be, I was just like that, remember? So what changed for me? Well, all those compliments began to sink in eventually, I think. I got tired of hearing my own negative self talk and I started wanting some compliments, dang it! I decided that I was going to drink in Conan’s compliments, revel in them, believe them, and be buoyed up by them. It was hard at first to be that uninhibited, yes, it was. I swear you’d think Conan was the next door neighbor and not the man I promised to love forever and share my life and my body with. But it got easier and easier, especially since the positive reinforcement was right there, every time. Oh, and we have a dimmer switch. Dimmer switches are my best friend. He gets light and I get dim light, not glaring bright lights, making me feel as if I’m getting a gyno exam. Don’t have a dimmer switch? Try candles. You or your hubby have a fear of fire like Conan does? Get those electric candles or maybe a nightlight. Then you can ease into full-on, middle of the day, bright light lovin’.
I am onto Conan’s tricks after 24 years. Here’s one I figured out not too long ago that he does whenever we forget to lock the door. He always says, hey, babe, get up and go lock the door. I say, no, I don’t want to. You get up. Nope, he says, you do it. Deep sigh, okay, fine. So he gets to watch me walk across the room naked to lock the door. His favorite view, I believe. 🙂 Even though I’ve figured this trick out, I still play this little game with him. It’s fun. 🙂
So be naked and unashamed with your husband. You can do it! It ‘s good for him and it’s good for you. Really.