Work schedules. Sleep schedules. Moon schedules. Blah. All this stuff gets in the way of our relationship.
My work and sleep schedule is different from Conan’s work and sleep schedule. He gets up early, so he goes to bed a bit earlier than I do. I sometimes work late into the night and would sleep in until 10:00 a.m. if I could. (That drives Conan CRAZY.) Of course I have children to get off to school so that doesn’t happen during the school year, but it did happen over the summer at times, now that the kids are older. Mmmmm, bliss. That would be fine if Conan and I were roommates, but it doesn’t work if we want to be lovers. I have been fine with coming to bed with Conan, and then getting up and going to work later. Conan recently told me he doesn’t like me to go to work after we have sex because he doesn’t like me up so late at night working. He would like me to alter my schedule a bit to make our schedules more in sync. I can do that, I just haven’t wanted to be consistent. The other day he asked me to please get my work done before bedtime so we could have some time together. (Of course he didn’t word it quite that delicately. He did say please, though, he’s always polite! ) I did, and we did, and then we went to sleep and it was lovely. I like this snuggling up and going to sleep thing.
Another time, recently, we got our signals crossed. Conan says to me, “Let’s make love tonight.” (I sing it back to him in my best Marvin Gaye, but he just rolls his eyes at me. What’s that all about, huh?) Later on I am hit with a wall of fatigue. I tell Conan how tired I suddenly am because my period is starting (sorry for the TMI guys). Blech. So, while I don’t say “no sex tonight,” Conan crosses sex off the list for the night. He comes to bed a little later than normal, thinking he was just going to sleep. I stop what I am doing and ask for 15 minutes before I come to bed. Conan says, “I thought that was out.” Me: “Nope–it’s just the fatigue part of my stupid, stupid cycle.” Conan agrees to wait 15 minutes, but I don’t think he’s gonna make it. 15 minutes later, zzzzzzzzzzz. I ask him if he wants to wake up. He groggily suggests morning sex. I’m fine with that, I loooovvveee morning sex. 2:00 a.m. comes along, and I wake up. I should wake him up, I should wake him up, I should wake him up. No, he said he really needed a good night’s sleep–tomorrow (today?) is going to be a crazy day. Against my better judgment, I go back to sleep, thinking about how the morning would go.
That morning Conan tells me he dreamed about blow jobs all night long! Oh! I should have woke that man up! Rats tails! So I ask him if we’re still on for after the kids left for school. Conan says, “Sorry, babe, I have to leave for work right now.” Aaarrrgggghhhhhh!!!
Why is it that we have such a hard time meshing our schedules? If I’m working, he wants it. If he’s working, I want it. If he’s sleeping, I want it. If I’m sleeping–well, if I’m sleeping he’s probably at work, ha ha! Not all the time, of course, but it seems to happen like this on a pretty regular basis. We have to make a very conscious effort to keep things going despite our schedules.
We, as couples, need to prioritize our alone time together. We need to arrange things and do the best we can to make time for each other. It’s a little easier for me to adjust my schedule to Conan’s, since my job is more flexible than his, so that’s what I do. Even so, things still seem to naturally move in a direction where we aren’t going to bed together at night, just due to day to day life. But we can always nudge things back in the right direction once in awhile.
Let’ s make time for each other, put work aside once in awhile, go to bed early once in awhile, do whatever it takes. Because “isn’t it about Time?”