Conan got burned, denied, rejected, one too many times in our marriage. The dice did not often land in his favor for a time. And when he no longer had to push and push to get me to have sex with him, he stopped a lot of his initiating.
Now, In spite of me initiating regularly, telling him I’ll always be available, even telling him that he can wake me up in the night anytime he wants, he is still a bit gun shy. So the other morning when he initiated, he mentioned that he was a little worried that I would say no. And he still just tells me the next day that he woke up with an erection the night before, but didn’t want to bother me, figured I’d be too tired, or would just push him out of bed or something! Every time he tells me that, I tell him that next time he needs to wake me up. He has only taken me up on my offer a handful of times.
I know he is supposed to be the main initiator in the relationship, but I do believe that a person can only take so much rejection. And some emotional wounds leave scars. Conan knows I won’t say no to him anymore. I asked him how he felt about that and he said “Really great!” (He’s so eloquent.) He knows it intellectually and it makes him feel great, but I’m not sure when all that is going to completely overtake the years of no, maybe, not tonight, I’ll think about it, etc. Don’t get me wrong, he does initiate, but it sometimes makes him nervous. (Don’t tell him I told you that, ha ha!) As time goes by he initiates more and more. But I also don’t wait for him to initiate. If he hasn’t for a few days, I take action.
So do men want their wives to initiate sex? Yeah, I think so. Perhaps not all the time, but at least one or two out of ten times, maybe more if they’ve been burned in the past. More importantly, do they want their wives to accept them and say yes? Yep, I know so. Even big strong men need love, affirmation and acceptance. They just might not word it exactly that way! I think reacting warmly and positively to his advances is just as important and probably more so than initiating.
Oh, and one more thing: Initiating makes me feel seeexxxyyyyyyyyy. 🙂