Keeping the Spark NC 17

Don’t be afraid to go after your own pleasure.  I think one of the main things that a man likes about sex with his wife is seeing HER pleasure–possibly a little  more than getting his own pleasure.  Could I be right, guys?  So go after your own pleasure.

If you want to do something incredibly hot and make your husband go wild, the next time you are having an orgasm, OPEN YOUR EYES and look directly into his eyes.  Maintain eye contact as long as you possibly can.  It is amazing, incredible and erotic.  Watching him watching you, seeing his eyes go dark with desire, it’s indescribable.

Masturbate in front of him.  Take your time, and watch him while you do it.  Make sure he can see everything.  You can bring yourself to climax or almost to climax and then let him take over, whatever you feel like at that moment.

Verbalize exactly how much you like what he’s doing.  Don’t be afraid to make some noise.

Tell him what you want him to do to you.   You can whisper a suggestion in his ear, you can “command” him to do it, or you can beg him to please do it.

If you’re a one and done orgasm kind of girl, try for a second one later during your lovemaking.  You might have a refractory period, just like a man does.  Find out how long that is and go for it.  This might even be after his climax.  His climax does not have to signal “The End”.   Maybe your climax is “The End” sometimes.

Be selfish in bed.  It’s okay, your husband is going to get his no matter what.  Make sure you get yours.  Even if you like him to be the one doing the driving, so to speak, you can still do these things and he’ll still be driving, and you’ll still be going after your own pleasure.  It will be a win win.

Happy sparks.

(Whew, is it hot in here????)

21 thoughts on “Keeping the Spark NC 17

  1. AMEN on the fact that I don’t consider it a great lovemaking session if my wife considers it great.

    Zookie – how many years have you preped for writing this blog? Pace yourself. I worry that too soon you are going to post, “I don’t know what else to say!” Your topics are great!

    • Guy, can you clarify what you mean by “how many years have you preped for writing this blog?” Do you mean how long do I think I’ll do this blog? For as long as I have traffic! And comments! I really like it!
      I probably should pace myself a little, but if I have something to say it just comes flowing out. Then there are times when it doesn’t come flowing out, so I have nothing to post. I have around 30 drafts in the works at the moment, plus other things floating around in my head. Maybe I’ll hold back posts awhile when they are done to stretch it out.
      And don’t worry about me not having anything left to say. If you met me in real life, you would come to see that I never run out of things to say. (I just read this to Conan and he rolled his eyes and said “Amen”.)
      And thanks for the compliment!

  2. Conan would like me to give him credit for the idea that “It’s okay, he is going to get his no matter what”. He has said that to me on multiple occasions. It was with his encouragement that I learned to go after my own pleasure. Thanks Babe!

    • This is a hard one for me. I really have a hard time letting go during sex and concentrating on my pleasure. I enjoy giving Hubby pleasure and most of my concentration goes there. It’s not until He is done and then I can relax and allow myself to let go while I am being done. Occasionally, I go first, but it is a struggle most of the time as I want to do things for him. My husband says the same thing as Conan, but i guess I haven’t bought into it yet. I guess I still have a ways to go in this arena. I am working on it though.

      However having said that – I use to be one who just laid there and said “Hurry and get it over with”, so I have come a long ways too.

      • You have come a long way, and good for you!!! I’m wondering, CM, if having a hard time concentrating on your pleasure has something to do with trying to make up for years of refusal. You want to make sure he feels as good as possible. And that he gets all his needs met. Well, think of it this way, when you go after your own pleasure, you are ultimately giving him even MORE pleasure than if you don’t. You are meeting even more of his needs.
        Go for it, girl! You can do it.

  3. Now that I’ve been married for many years, I (silently, and only to myself) attach manners like opening doors and seating at tables, and the phrase “ladies first” to sex. I even wonder deep in the unwritten annals of chivalry pre-history whether these manners were developed in part for that reason?

    When she’s happy, I’m thrilled. At the same time, I’ve also sometimes had the kind of struggle you describe–always trying to make her happy. I’ve also learned that what she sometimes wants or needs is for me to just let loose my own desires and show with her actions how much I desperately want her.

    • That’s cute. (Is it okay to call what you say cute? ha ha!) But yes, I always think “Ladies first” means exactly that.

      And I’m pretty sure she loves when you let loose your own desires!

  4. Why do I open the door for a lady, or rise when a lady enters the room? Sure it’s chivalry and deep respect but it’s fun too. If I open a door for a woman she gets to walk in front of me and I then get to observe that wonderful ‘backfield in motion’ and admire the marvels of the human spine, pelvis and all the other parts as they work so well together.
    Look, everything we each do, however altruistic or selfless the reasons appear on the surface to be, are done for somewhat selfish reasons. This is like a corporation giving to charity. They do it to cut tax obligations but also to help those in need, to feel good about themselves, etc., etc. It’s fun to offer a chivalrous act and watch the lady smile, usually!

    • I really love it when men do chivalrous things for me. (I never thought it was so they could check me out, though, ha ha!! )
      You’re right, we do most things for our own reasons. Woman, though, can have a hard time being selfish in bed. We just need to be reminded how much our husbands like it!

      • I don’t know if other men commit chivalrous acts to check out their ladies; maybe that’s my thing alone. I guess if other gentlemen speak up here, then I am not alone in this.

        It’s true, what you say about women and altruism. Women, it seems, are by nature selfless and giving to the point of neglecting their own needs and wants and indeed passions. I can’t speak for all husbands but I as a husband LOVE watching my wife masturbating for me. I even get excited knowing she’s doing the same when we talk on the phone if she is traveling; indeed, it’s arousing too, knowing that at various other times unknown to me, she masturbates as well if she’s tired, frustrated or otherwise in need of her own selfish system reset of her circuit breaker, via masturbation.

        I would hazard a guess that many men would relish knowing their wives were doing the same. I am sure it may be reflexive too for some women,knowing their men masturbate for and with their wives, or even while away while thinking about their wives.

        Speak up, Gentlemen! Am I alone in my perceptions?

  5. Zookie,

    I am so glad that you have found how healing married sexual activity can be. What else can be so intimately reassuring or comforting. Too often women believe they have to have everything resolved before sex, and thus miss the balm that sex offers. Thanks for helping to change that.

    LIke others, I am hoping you don’t burn out. It is so refreshing to hear from an active LDS woman who loves and appreciates sex as an essential part of a solid marriage

    • Thank you Kelly! I’m just happy that you and others are still coming to and commenting on my little blog!

      I really hope that my sharing these little parts of my life will help someone, somewhere.

  6. bonez, you are certainly not alone! I can’t think of anything more sexy, and even attractive, then to see my wife pleasure herself. I don’t like the word masturbation when refering to married people, especially when they are together. I look at is as foreplay, or part of sharing sexually. I learn from watching my wife pleasure herself, but I am also more drawn to her emotionally, because she is sharing something with me that is personal and vulnerable. What an incredible woman she is, to explore her sexuality with me!

    • Thanks, Chet. It’s always nice knowing we aren’t alone. I realize clinical terms for parts and behavior make some people uncomfortable. That’s OK. Whatever terminology or nomenclature you use is great as long as it’s used to accurately describe things and events.
      You are fortunate to have a wife who is free and unrestrained enough to explore and leave her comfort zone. So many are scared to death.

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