Archive | November 2011

Search Engine Terms

People find my blog by entering the funniest things into their search engines!  Here are some that made me laugh out loud.

  • horny mormon women (well, there are a few of us)
  • lds vagina stretcher (as opposed to a born again vagina stretcher???)
  • I am a mormon and I love oral sex (me toooooo!)
  • lds killers (huh???)
  • I just had sex, didn’t I?  (If you don’t know, I don’t think I can help you.)
  • am I giving him too much oral sex?  (guys, is there such a thing??)
  • how to have sex like a barbarian (dreamer)
  • garmet nekad kello (I have no idea)
  • Huge mormon labia (sorry, I had to put that in here.  I just about died laughing!)
  • Horny mormon looking for love (well, keep looking)
  • Pack 12 Football (ahhahahaha!  Oh, and as Conan pointed out to me, it’s PAC, not pack)
  • zooky ladies panty (another head shaker)
  • My husband would like to be Conan the Barbarian (sorry, there’s only one)
  • Spouse won’t participate in my fetish (Aww, why not?)

Those are some of the funnier ones.  Next I’ll talk about some of the serious ones!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello everyone!

I won’t be posting anything this week, so that I can focus on hosting Thanksgiving for my wonderful family.  I’m going to be a cooking fiend for the next few days.

Here’s the menu:

All these recipes come from Epicurious  (I LOVE Epicurious!)

I have family members bringing the obligatory mashed potatoes, stuffing and rolls, and I do believe we are going to have a fabulous day!

Thanks to everyone who comes to my blog, everyone who’s a “follower”, and everyone who takes the time to comment on my posts.  You are all great!

Have a wonderful holiday.

To Bare or Not to Bare

If you played Bunco with me, you would be having a very good time!  My Bunco group is super fun!  Oh, no, that’s not where I was going with that.  Oops.  🙂  If you played Bunco with me, you would know of my strange obsession with waxing, shaving, Veet and Brazilians (not the male variety, the hair removal variety!).  For a few years now I have talked about it and wanted to learn about it and find out if other ladies do it and/or like it.  My BFF is bare.  (She shaves.  She has not had a Brazilian.)  She loves it.   She told me that I should try it, and I would love it, too.  Up to that point, it was just shave the bikini line for me.  Or sometimes I used Nair or Veet.

Two or three (or four? heck, I don’t know anymore) years ago I decided to try wax strips.  I was ready.  So next time I was at the store, I took a deep breath and threw Sally Hanson cold wax strips into the cart.  You’d think I was a teenager buying condoms the way I felt all embarrassed and self conscious at the checkout.  The next day I mentally prepared myself for a lot of pain in a sensitive area.  My bikini line, only, okay!  I have a horrible fear of waxing any parts more sensitive than that.  Anyway, you may have read that email joke about waxing that I put up awhile back.  The woman in the joke had a terrible time with the wax strips.  Well, I had already read that little dissertation, and I was prepared.  And I certainly wasn’t about to warm the strips up with the hairdryer like she did.  Follow all directions carefully, that’s my motto!  The hardest part was sticking them on.  Kind of like standing at the top of a diving board.  I knew if I stuck them on there was no going back.  I hesitated.  I waffled.  I thought, you know, maybe the razor really is my best friend.  Then I reminded myself of those awful red bumps that go with shaving, and the bristlies I can’t seem to get smooth.   Okay, here goes nothing.  I stuck the strip on.  Whew!  Then, of course, I had to rip the things off.  Good grief.  I readied myself with my favorite swear word, grabbed the thing, counted to three and yanked.  That favorite swear word was loud, let me tell you!  Good thing the kids were at school.  Mommies don’t swear.   Then it occurred to me that there are two sides to a bikini line.  Oh, boy.  Plus, I was expecting to see a smooth, hairless bikini line and instead I saw that the evil wax strip hadn’t removed all the hair and I’d have to do it again in the same spot.  There was nothing for it but to warm the wax strip again, slap it on and rip it off.  Again.  And then one more time.   And then do the other side!  I’ve concluded that doing that again is a sure sign of masochism, ha ha!!  But after that I was nice and smooth.

I got so I could wax my bikini line with not much fuss or bother.  However, I still wanted to do something about the rest of it.   One day I shaved my more sensitive areas and showed Conan.  Conan was slightly uncomfortable with it, because he associated bare with juvenile, and his reaction was less than enthusiastic.  I was more than a little deflated when he wasn’t thrilled with it.  Then it ITCHED like a something that rhymes with itch!  Whoo boy!  You just don’t go around scratching that kind of itch and it was kind of tortuous.  So I grew it all back (except the bikini line, of course) and left it that way.

I couldn’t forget about it, though, and continued to think about going bare.  I started shaving again not too long ago, and I liked it so much that I decided to keep it that way and Conan would just have to get used to it.   What about the itch?  I discovered that was temporary.  Keep it up and no more itch!  Not too long ago I got a wild hare (get it?)  and with a combination of shaving and waxing I went completely bare.  I wasn’t 100% satisfied, I still had bristlies and just couldn’t seem to get it perfect.   Then I made a friend who actually used to DO Brazilians.  Oh, my gosh, I was so excited!  I could ask all the personal and intimate questions that I couldn’t ask anyone else but always wanted to know.   Questions answered!  Plus I got some fabulous advice.

I will pass on a bit of that advice:

  • Exfoliate.  Yep!  Saint Ives apricot scrub works great for that.
  • Condition.  With conditioner.   Not cheap conditioner, use the good stuff.  I know, right?  Sounds crazy.
  • Use a special razor.  I wrote down Gillette Mach Fusion when my friend told me which one to get, which was wrong, because when I went to the store, there is no Mach Fusion.  There’s a Mach something and there’s a Fusion.  But they are two separate types of razor.  Rather than bother my friend with silly details, I got the Fusion (see picture above).  It has a little battery and it vibrates (no, not for that, silly!) while you shave.  That’s supposed to facilitate a smoother shave.   Anyway, get a special razor and use it for that only.

After following my friend’s advice, my results were smooth as silk.  I’m completely hooked now, and I’m never going back!  (Conan still does think I’m a little nuts to do it, but he hasn’t discouraged me from it.)

Do you like bare or a little there or au naturel?   Does it make you feel sexy?  Does your husband like it?  What about the guys?  What do you prefer, guys?

Oh, and guys do this, too.  How do you prefer your man?  I haven’t been comparing packages or anything, of course, so I don’t know what a completely bare one would be like, but I do know I like neat and trim, not wild and crazy.

Whether you do it for your spouse or for yourself, this is a great, private way to keep things sexy.   Something for just the two of you.

Romantic Weekend

  • Kids all farmed out?  check
  • Found sub for primary class?  check
  • Cat put out?  check
  • Work done?  check

Conan and I are heading out to parts far far away (not really, only about three hours) to indulge ourselves in a fabulous, romantic weekend (two nights and three days, people) BY OURSELVES!  This has happened only once every few years or less of our marriage, and I am soooooo excited about it!

Don’t take away Conan’s man card, but he’s going with me to see Jim Brickman, whose music I love with all the burning passion of 1000 suns, in concert on Saturday.  I am ecstatic!   Conan says he plans on sleeping through it.  *sigh*

The concert is in the afternoon, so afterwards we can go some place with a big screen to watch the Huskies and the Ducks fight it out in the last game ever played in his beloved Husky Stadium before it gets ripped up and renovated.  Apparently this is the biggest weekend that any Pac-12 football team has had this year for all sorts of reasons that I can’t begin to understand.  (Did you see that, Conan?  I said PAC, not pack.)

He’s happy, I’m happy!  Oh, but what shall we do the rest of the time, hmmmm?

Well, I got some things in the mail last week and I believe they will help us figure out a way to pass the time.   I personally wanted to try them out already, but Conan, the evil man, is making me wait.

Only a few more hours of waiting!  Woo hoo!

Have a great weekend everyone!  I’ll be back in action next week!