Archive | December 2011

Expected Sex

What does your husband want for his birthday?  The average, red blooded male wants SEX!  I’m pretty sure that’s what he wants for Valentines Day, Father’s Day, your wedding anniversary, Christmas and New Year’s.

Why is it hard for some of us to give our husbands what they want for these events?  This is the question our guys just can’t figure out.  First of all, you don’t have to shop for it.  Secondly, it’s FREE!  Plus, it’s what they really want!  Most importantly, it’s a gift that gives back, in a very nice way.

Oh, sure, there are other things that you don’t have to shop for and are free, like making a coupon for free hugs and backrubs (with no happy ending, I mean) or his favorite dinner or something, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that a coupon for a free hug is not gonna cut it!  (The dinner will be appreciated, though, I’m sure!)  Anyway, I remember a time when expected sex just made me more standoffish than ever.  It really irritated me to think that I was expected to put out at those times.  That’s why I’ve written about being sexually giving, enthusiastically giving, etc., because I clearly remember when I wasn’t any of those things.  I was selfish.  I could not or did not care about Conan’s feelings, or, more kindly, didn’t understand and didn’t try to understand his feelings.   Recently, I’ve been somewhat on the receiving end of this.  I’m debating whether or not to blog about it–someday, maybe.  But I will tell you I know how it feels, now.  And that feeling is NOT GOOD AT ALL.  A big hug, little smooch and a “Happy [fill in the day], honey, I love you,” even if you mean it, before rolling over and going to sleep is small consolation for rejection.    That won’t make your spouse feel loved and cherished.  Actions speak louder than words.

If you love giving gifts, if your spouse loves receiving gifts, that’s great!  Go out and shop your little heart out.  But if what he or she really wants is to make love to you or be made love to, make that their number one present!

I’m going to give you a pass on Christmas Eve.  Especially if you’re like me and are up wrapping gifts ’til 3:00 a.m.  while your husband peacefully slumbers, allowing you to do all the work.  (I’m not sure Conan has ever wrapped a gift in his entire life, truthfully.)  Anyway, after an eventful day of last minute shopping, cooking, family gatherings, wrestling with kids to get them to go to bed, and THEN wrapping the gifts, all this girl wants is my fluffy pillow and sleep!!!  (Yes, if I was Ms. Superwoman and had all my gifts wrapped and ready to go beforehand, I could go to bed with my husband.  Ms. Superwoman I”m not.  Maybe this year–I still have a few days.)  You do not get a pass if your husband helps you with everything and you go to bed before midnight, haha!

Do you want sex in celebration of holidays and major events like anniversaries and birthdays?  Do you give sex for those events?  Why or why not?

Merry Christmas!

Sex Toys

Shop erotic

Conan and I had been married for a few years but didn’t have any children together yet (so I imagine I was between 21 and 23 or so) when we decided to take a trip up to Vancouver, BC for the weekend.  It was a lot of fun!  One of the most memorable moments up there was when we were sightseeing and decided to go into a specialty shop and look around.  And by specialty shop I mean SEX TOY Shop!  This was my first look at anything like that.  (I’d heard of vibrators, dildos and such before, but never seen any.  This was back in ancient times, remember, and there was no internet.)  I was soooo embarrassed!  Plus I was young enough to be a bit giggly and juvenile about it, ha ha!  Even so, I was fascinated with everything I saw there.  The two things that were burned into my brain were a dildo that was as big as my forearm and had a suction cup on the bottom of it so you could stick it on whatever surface and use it hands free!  And a swing with a dildo ON it!   W.O.W.  My eyes about popped out of my head everywhere I looked.

I have had lots of fun and laughs over the years talking about that hands free dildo with my BFFs, but never thought I’d actually ever get any kind of sex toy.  (I never have tried that hands free one, I’ll just tell you that right now!)

I did eventually get a sex toy.  I got a  hard plastic, turbo-shaped, purple vibrator.  It was interesting and fun solely because it was such a novel experience.  We tried it a number of ways but it didn’t really do a whole lot for me.  First of all, it was cold, and second of all the vibrations were pretty weak, in my opinion.  Later, we decided to try a different kind.  We got one that is like a Rabbit.  I don’t know if it is an actual Rabbit, I can’t remember that far back,  but it is shaped like a real penis, and it is made of squishy plastic instead of hard plastic.   It is also purple.  (Conan’s favorite color is purple.  Because of the U of WA Huskies!) Anyway, it has those little bunny ears that are supposed to rest on the clitoris and vibrate while you penetrate with the penis.  Once again, I didn’t like it.  It was cold, too.  And whatever nasty plastic they used to make the thing smelled horrible!  I just went and got it out of my drawer.  It still smells horrible.  And the little bunny ears worked about as well as me leaning up against the washing machine during the spin cycle, ha ha!  Meaning not at all.  Still, we tried it out several times.  We tried both of them together.  We got good and creative.   But they just didn’t do much for me.  I know other women love their Rabbits, but they just don’t work for my body.  Why do I even still have those things, you ask?  I really don’t know.  They just sit in the drawer year after year, hahaha!

Fast forward a few years, (I really have no idea how many) and I discovered the bullet vibe.   Conan and I talked about it and decided to go get one.  We got in the car with our new purchase and Conan practically begged me to use it right there.  I did.  He still remembers the street we were on.  Ummm, I kind of don’t, I was busy.  😉   Now, up until this point I was a one and done girl.   I was always soooo jealous of my BFFs, because THEY could have multiples without even batting an eye.  But no matter what we had done thus far, one was it for me.  But this night, with my new little bullet vibe, I had five, count them, five Os IN A ROW.  I fell in love with that little bullet.  It was my new best friend.   We wore the thing out and had to go get a new one.  We actually wore a couple of them out.

I’m so thankful for bullet vibrators because they taught me that I could be multi-orgasmic.  (I am happy to say that, now, if I was only having five or less I would be highly disappointed.)     It’s still amazing to me that one day I can only have one and the next day I can have several!

But something strange happened.  We got so that Conan could give me lots of Os with no need for the bullet vibe, and then the bullet stopped working for me.  I haven’t been able to figure that one out.  It would just buzz away, feeling pleasant, but not producing the same results.  Since we had just about worn it out anyway, I just threw it away and never replaced it.  I certainly didn’t NEED it anymore!

So now it’s been seven or eight years since I got my first bullet.  And last year I decided to try a new sex toy.  I didn’t do my research very well, but what I wanted was something that I could use hands free (No, NOT the one with the suction cup on the bottom!) during intercourse.  I sooo want to orgasm DURING intercourse.  So we purchased this:

Classix Butterfly Strap On

It’s a bullet vibe that you strap onto yourself.  The theory is lots of great stimulation without having to think about it or hold onto it.  Once again, while the buzzing sensations are nice, it did NOT do the trick.  And can I just say I felt like a complete moron trying to get it strapped on, and once it was on I felt I looked ridiculous.  Anyway, sad to say, this didn’t work, either.  I even popped the bullet out of it’s little butterfly and tried to use it that way once, but it was a no go.  😦

A few months ago I learned about something called a Hitachi Magic Wand.  Hmmmmm.  I was intrigued.  I really liked what I saw.  I asked Conan if I could get one.  He laughed a bit at me but gave the okay.   It arrived not long before our romantic weekend in early November.

We took it with us.  This Hitachi is no joke.  The handle is about a foot long, so even though it’s not hands free it’s very easy to use.  The vibrating part is about the size of a tennis ball, which makes it simple to apply to the right spots.  It is not battery operated, it PLUGS IN.  It has two speeds.  The low speed will make you see fireworks and the high speed will drain the power grid and trip your breaker.  You will forget your own name.  How could I not have heard of this baby before???  It gets RESULTS.

I tried it through my jeans and within 60 seconds it blew me away.  Used against bare skin I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.  Conan commented later that he thinks I woke up everyone within a 10 yard radius. *blush*

I could not keep this to myself and so I told my BFFs all about my new toy.

That’s my experience with sex toys.   I still prefer Conan to any toy, but I’m super glad for those toys, just the same, and am looking forward to wearing out a few magic wands!

Tips:  I have recently heard about glass toys.  You can heat them up in warm water before you use them so they won’t be COLD!  Yay!  That’s going to be my next purchase when I get around to getting another toy.

Shop Erotic is a tasteful online shop and you can find just about anything your little heart desires there.  From lube and vibrators to whips, blindfolds and restraints.  Hmmmm.

Simply Sweet Marriage  is a good online store by LDS people and is a very nice site where you can get lots of good stuff.

Love Marks

Hello to everyone!  I apologize for the lack of activity here lately!  I’ve been dealing with some “stuff” and have had a bit of writers block because of it.  I’m new to the blogging world and this has been my first case of writers block, ha ha!  I have lots and lots of topics started or bouncing around in my head, but the words just haven’t been flowing.  Tonight I have a short one.

Not too long ago Conan held up his arm and said, “Look at this, Doll,” and he showed me a couple of bruises on his bicep.  “How’d you get those?”  I asked him.  “You did it.”  He said.   No, it wasn’t spouse abuse!  It was during the throes of passion.  YIKES!  I had no idea *blush*.    That’s not the first time I’ve marked the man up, either.   It happened quite frequently when we first got together.   Scratches on his back, hickies, etc.  A few times this caused quite a stir for Conan at the gym.  I’ve learned to tone it down a bit.  😉

Well, at least this time it was just two little bruises on his arm.  Not long before that, Conan gave me a hickie on my neck, of all things.  I just had a birthday and I’m now 45 years old!   How do I explain a hickie to people, for heaven’s sake???  Aren’t hickies just for horny teenagers??   Thankfully it was very light and I have long hair so  I wore it down until the hickie faded, which only took three or four days.   However, I have found that little marks in other places are a completely different story!  In addition to the faint hickie on my neck, he purposely gave me one (a big one) a bit lower down that no one but he could see.  That one was fun!  And it turned out to be a HUGE turn on for me.  I’d see it there and think, oh, I’m his.  This is his claim on me.   Soooo erotic!  In fact, any little mark that reminds me of our times together is erotic.   Seeing them gives me goosebumps.

Is there something in our biology that makes us want to mark what’s ours?  To claim a person?  Or be marked and be claimed?  I think so.  I think that’s one reason people get tattoos of their lover’s name.  In one way it says, Hey, I love this person.  In another, more subtle way, it says, I am this person’s.   I belong with this person.  Even to this person.

I don’t think I’ll be getting a tattoo anytime soon, but I have to admit there is a certain allure to getting a permanent mark that says “I’m his.”

I wonder if this is common or just me?