Archive | January 2012

How Long is Too Long?

Hello, and Happy New Year!  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and you’re all ready to take on the new year.  I had a lovely holiday with family and friends, old and new.  Christmas was as close to perfect as Christmas can get (for this girl, anyway), and New Year’s Eve was super, super fun.  I’ve now celebrated New Year’s Eve with my best friends for 21 years in a row.  I don’t know what I’d do without those girls.  AND I managed to NOT gain any weight over the holidays, in fact, I lost five pounds.  Woo Hoo!!!

Yes, this is still a blog about sex, so I’ll get on with it, already!

How long can you go without sex before you either start to want to chew nails or you completely shut down sexually?   If you’re not having sex, is it better to try to completely forget about it or masturbate and fantasize by yourself?  What if your body did shut down sexually?  Then your spouse decides she/he wants sex and you’re supposed to want it again as if everything is just peachy.  How are you supposed to fire it up again?

If I wasn’t having sex, wasn’t getting any sexual attention, and wasn’t thinking about sex at all, my body would shut down.  Okay, well, maybe  that’s not such a bad thing.  No sex, but also no sexual feelings.   No, I take it back.  It would be a bad thing.  I LIKE sexual attention and sexual feelings.  I would miss that and be sad.

So how long is too long?  A week?  A month?  Or, more precisely, if your frequency was always once a week or once a month,  or, tragically, less, and that wasn’t just an anomaly, how long could you continue that way before having an adverse reaction?

Even worse is what starts to happen mentally and emotionally.  Do the little annoying things your spouse does start to  bother you?  Do you get angry at him/her more easily?   Do you start to discount when he/she says “I love you, honey”?  Do you think, “Yeah, sure you do.” ?  If you’re a woman, do you cry?  If you’re a man?

There’s so much emotion tied up in sex, isn’t there?  I don’t think I could have a sexual relationship and not become emotionally attached anymore than I could be in love and not become (or want to become) sexually involved.    For me, at least, it would be impossible to separate the two.  So, does love start to wane when your sexual relationship is tanking??  Or do you just chalk it up to the ups and downs of marriage, remember you love your spouse, and wait for an up time?

Conan and I said we loved each other when our frequency was three times a month or so.  But I think it was watered down love–not as good as it could have been.

I know we need to always show our love for our spouses, even if things aren’t perfect.  Then, when/if things do improve,  we don’t have so much ground to make up.

What do you think?