What’s So Wrong With the Missionary Position?

My BFF and I were talking the other day and the subject of sex came up.  Imagine that!  ha ha!  I can’t remember how the conversation got there, but I asked her, “What’s so wrong with the missionary position, anyway?”  She said, “I know, right!”  That got me to thinking.  Really–what’s wrong with it?

Here’s what’s right about it:

  • You can wrap your arms and legs around your man.
  • You can kiss
  • You can look into each others eyes
  • Your man can pin your hands above your head–mmm
  • Or you can have your hands free to touch lots of places and do lots of things
  • It’s a flattering position, and if you have figure flaws they’re less likely to be seen
  • It can make you (as a woman) feel safe, cherished, held and loved
  • It’s romantic
  • It’s sexy

That all sounds very nice, doesn’t it?  Mmmhmm.

So what’s wrong with it?  I think it’s the thought that it’s the ONLY position that’s allowed.   That you’re lying there, checked out.   That you’re doing your duty.  Lie back and think of England.   You don’t have to contribute to what’s happening.    And lets face it, even your very favorite thing can become old if that’s all you ever have.

So break out of your rut if you’re in one.  You don’t have to hang from the rafters!  In fact, there are some positions that are quite laughable in my opinion.  I’m wondering where the pleasure comes in when you’re trying to bend in some way that humans weren’t meant to bend!  But let’s mix it up a little.  Don’t be so quick to say, I don’t want it that way.

Why don’t some women want some other positions?  Here’s what I’ve heard about the flip side:  Rear entry is degrading.  It’s not intimate.  It’s animalistic.  It just seems nasty.  I hate the term “doggy style”.  I feel like a piece of meat.

Honestly, your husband is probably not thinking, I would like to make my wife feel like a whore.  What he’s probably thinking is, I’d like to make my wife feel good!  I’d like to get a good view of my wife!  So what if it’s called “doggy style”?  Don’t call it that if you don’t like it.  If you think it’s animalistic, well, okay.  But there are lots of things that animals do that we do, too.  Animals nurse their young, for instance.  That’s not gonna stop you from doing it, is it?  And not all sex is  soft, sweet, and slow.  It’s not supposed to be.  You want it to feel good, don’t you?  Yes, the missionary position is awesome, fun, and all the things I listed.  But sometimes you’ve gotta step it up!   I encourage you to get over your shyness, your discomfort, your insecurities.  Allow yourself to just go with it and enjoy!

20 thoughts on “What’s So Wrong With the Missionary Position?

  1. I like everything about missionary except it’s name. Sure wish we could replace it with something easy. What’s wrong with ” Man on top”? But variety is nice-even changing during the same session.

  2. The only problem we have with the missionary position is the lack of… stimulation for my DW. Especially once you throw a toy or two into the mix….

  3. Plus, rear entry is a great way to get the g-spot!
    There was one night where we just tried out about 4 different positions one right after the other and it was so great! I love that I feel comfortable enough with Husband to be willing to explore and enjoy some rockin’ hot sex.
    Great post!

  4. There’s nothing *wrong* with missionary, unless you’re restricted to that and only that. For example, think of your favorite movie; one that you just love to watch. Think of your favorite treats while watching a movie; maybe buttered popcorn and a Coke.

    Would you like to go to the same movie theater every single Saturday for the 9 pm show, and watch that same movie time after time while sitting in the same seats, eating your large popcorn and drinking your Coke? I guarantee that after just a few weeks you would be sick of it.

  5. My wife is too “loose” for any position to really work for me except for the woman on top swimming position. It offers all the same “benefits” as the missionary position except with the lady in top. We often will do other positions for her orgasms & then switch to swimming position when it’s my turn. Try it some time, it’s awesome! Place an Hitachi between the two of you & you will both enjoy a massive orgasm!

    • You know I LOVE the Hitachi! But be careful, because if the man isn’t used to it the Hitachi just might cause him to go much, MUCH to quickly. That’s my advice.

      Anyway, does your wife do Kegels? She should. Also, I have recently discovered something very interesting. They’re called ben wa balls. They aren’t very big, they come in 1 1/2 inch diameter and 2 inch diameter. They come in sets of two. You put them into the vaginal canal (don’t put them up too far, because there’s no benefit in that) and squeeze like crazy to hold them in. Works that muscle area like crazy.

  6. Nothing wrong with missionary position, unless your man is carrying a little extra weight and does not support himself all the time! Nothing like feeling squished when he collapses on top of you in the heat of passion! ha ha It’s amazing what an extra 20 lbs can feel like. Just saying!!!

  7. Nothing wrong with missionary. But, in this position I feel like I am doing all the work and my wife is just laying there. This is fine if she gives me some feedback, verbally or just some moaning, I can then know that she is receiving as much pleasure out of it as I am. Other positions put my wife in more control, which helps me to see that she is actively enjoying the whole activity.

    Guys loooove to see their wife taking control.

  8. Some one earlier mentioned the “first time” as a topic. Interesting idea. OK, I’ll bite. I was 21 & less than a year removed from my mission when I married my wife now of 35 years. She was 37, divorced & had 3 kids at the time. I baptized them all & we have since had 3 of our own. She had been married several times before & had been sexually active for years, having been caught up in the 60′s free-love movement. I had never even french kissed or had an orgasm. Can’t get too different than that experience-wise. She blew my mind on our wedding night. She was dolled up like a Fredrick’s of Hollywood model with her hair swept up and bright cherry red lips & long red nails (that was the style then). Just the visuals about did me in. She first removed my clothes & proceeded to give me my first orgasm orally while massaging my prostrate with her fingernail. I nearly fainted. I had never masterbated so my first orgasm only took about 20 seconds to occur. She laughed & said she had never witnessed a man having such a powerful orgasm. She then straddled my face and showed me how to give her oral pleasure. After a couple of powerful orgasms on her part I was “ready” once again. She then laid on me & we had intercourse in her favorite position; woman on top swimming position. Her french kissing & the way she expertly moved drove me crazy while she talked “dirty” to me. I lasted about 15 minutes because she would expertly stop each time I started to have an orgasm. Sadly to say, this type of experience didn’t last for long. She quickly developed “Good Girl Syndrome” as she became more active in the church. Awell, at least I have the memories & we are still very much in love in spite of our now mismatched libidos.

    • Hi Dan!
      Thanks for your comment. I love comments! It is a tad risque and I almost edited it a little bit, but decided to leave it as is. To anyone else who wants to describe a sexual experience, let’s keep it at this level or lower, okay? Thanks!

      Anyway…I think you are not alone in your experience with your partner being sexual at first and then shutting it off later. I myself did a bit of that. I talk about some of it in my “Gasp! Swallowing” post. I also talk about it in my post “The Law of Chastity and Passionate Sex”. I really did think for a while that to repent of my past sins I might have to stop having sex, good sex, any sex, for a time, with my husband. I’m glad I realized I was wrong.

      Similar to your wife, a friend of mine’s then girlfriend was pretty open to everything but once they got married and started being more active in church she backed waaaayyy off. She had thought it was sinning the entire time, but just went ahead because, well, they were sinning anyway, why not just sin all the way? It was pretty disappointing to him.

      I imagine there’s a lot more to your wife’s refusal than simply Good Girl Syndrome, based on her sexual past and your unique circumstances as a couple. But that’s something for Natasha Helfer at The Mormon Therapist, not me!

      You give us a lot to think about. Thanks!

  9. Some people don’t realize that missionary actually allows for more subtle variations than any other position. Maybe they’re not all technically missionary, but I don’t see a reason to call them something else. For example (I’m thinking out loud and the list got longer than I intended) there’s the man propped up on his arms (deeper, and applying pressure below), one arm or both wrapped the woman’s waist, arms entwined above, woman’s arms pinned in any position (struggling optional), legs entwined below, straddling a pillow underneath, straddling one leg or the other, both the man’s legs on the outside. It is also possible to transition to other positions such as behind or feet-on-chest without withdrawing, which I think is sexy so you can use different positions without seeming clinical (try it….). (BTW, doggie style is such an ugly expression unless you find bestial comparison arousing—sometimes they are. From behind?)

    Then you multiply the variations by choices of motion—straight, circles, angle (!), hooking this way and that, varied force and rhythm, in then grind, in then steady pressure on the [clitoris], withdrawal and reinsertion, either party (or both!) pulling hair or slapping skin, man teasing by stopping until she begs…. Well I’m sure others can think of more!

    My point really is that referring a position really says very little about what the sex is like. The little touches that really count, and I think that’s where people fall short on creativity and impact. And missionary provides a lot of skin contact, which I think very arousing. The more acrobatic positions are interesting if coupled with creativity and feeling rather than something like trying a stunt; but it’s the connection and basic physical contact that provide the magic.

    Last, a lot of us do find certain positions improper or degrading (aforementioned “doggie style”) or, well, anal because that’s what someone else told us to think. You don’t have to carry around other people’s bigotry. Make your own choices with your lover, which I think provides a lot of liberation right there. Sex that works is worth gold, and extract all you can from that rather than miss out.

    • Hi Julesgodson, thank you for your comment and welcome!
      Your “missionary position” descriptions are anything but boring! Thanks for the tutorial. I only edited one word because I’d like to keep this blog as tame as possible for a blog all about sex haha!! To anyone who wants to give us some how-to’s, please keep it at this level or lower, thanks!

      I picked up on a few things that are more on the rough side of sex that you mentioned. Now that’s a topic of discussion! Rough sex is very, very fun, to say the least. I’ve said it before but it bears repeating, sex is not always soft and slow and tender. Oftentimes it’s something quite the opposite!

      As far as “doggie style” I think people are beginning to call it “rear entry” more and more. But since that is one of the best ways of all to have sex, who cares what they call it!

      p.s. to anyone who wants to click onto Jules’ blog, be aware that there is some (relatively tame, art-type) nudity there. Click at your own risk.

      • I *have* to share a metaphor I just stumbled on: “with the right partner, vanilla sex can be creme brulee.”

        Doggy style, coiffure for canines. Hmm, “rear entry” still has an odd formal ring. Have you seen this sign? (tame) http://www.adrants.com/2006/10/rear-entry-advised-for-family-plannng.php I lean towards “from behind” but that’s not terribly imaginative, either. ( Well, it is, if done right… :-p ) You should have a contest for the best name.

        Thank you the gently reproving comments. I too am trying to walk a line that I’m drawing at the same time. I didn’t want my blog flagged as “mature” and really don’t want to a source of carnal info for children, so tried for implication more than exposition.

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