I Feel Fat

I feel fat today.  Well, I do.  Don’t ask me to explain it.  Don’t try to talk me out of it.  It’s not rational, it’s not logical, it’s not even physically possible to be not fat yesterday and fat today.  But I took one look at myself this morning and went, ewwww, ga-ros!  I’m so fat.  This psychological phenomenon changes the way I feel about everything.  My clothes look bad on me.  I can’t make my hair do what I want.  Then I start nitpicking.  Yuck, look at those wrinkles.  Look at that nose.

As a complete aside, I’ve had a love, hate (mostly hate) relationship with my nose my entire life.  My grandfather died three years ago.  I was sitting in the viewing room, looking and looking at him in his coffin, when I realized with a start that I had my grandfather’s nose.  I love him so much and he is, I mean was, so amazingly handsome, even as a 90-year-old man.  I now love my nose.  For that reason, only.

So back to the story…look at that nose.  My teeth are not perfect.  My smile is crooked.  Look at this, look at that.  My  tummy, legs, butt, feet, etc.  Ugh!  Before 10 minutes have passed, I’ve now condemned every part of myself as ugly and gross.

Now, when I was in my 20’s and 30’s, this would have been a 100% DO NOT TOUCH day.  Gross, don’t touch me, I’m fat.  Stop, yuck, I’m ugly.  You don’t want this.  I don’t want you to see this.  NO ONE is going to touch or see this, period.

Our men have to deal with this nonsense.  Honey, you look fine to me.  Don’t lie to me!  Don’t tell me that!  You have to say that because you Just Want Sex.  The man can’t win.  If he says, Yep, honey, you’re fat.  That’s a definite no no.  Then he gets, You’re so mean!  I KNOW I’m fat!  I’m gross!  Never touch me again!  If he says, honey, you’re beautiful, he gets, Stop lying to me!

Do other women have this happen to them?  Or am I the only one?  Oh, and it’s not PMS, in case you were wondering.  I suppose that might be a good explanation if it was PMS, but it’s not.    Good grief, why do things have to be so complicated???  Why can’t I just look in the mirror and see myself for how I am and like it?  Why must I analyze, scrutinize and criticize myself?  And why does my psychological view of myself affect my sexuality so much?   I guess it makes sense, since sexuality has to do with nakedness and all flaws being seen.  You can’t hide your flaws when you’re naked.  Sometimes when I feel this way I dive under the covers!  That’s how it’s done in the movies; sheets draped artfully here and there to hide some and show some.  Why not real life, ha ha!

I don’t have the answer on how to stop this “I’m fat” feeling.  All I know is I have to work through it.  I have learned to work through it.  Part of that came from actually, truly being fat, and now knowing the difference between being fat and feeling fat.  I also decided I couldn’t allow my feelings about my body, which are completely subjective, to affect my sex life.  I still want to hide myself.  I still don’t want to look at myself or want anyone else, even Conan, to see me, when I feel this way.  So I pretend like I feel beautiful and sexy and act as if I am and it seems to work.

Hey, I just looked in the mirror and guess what?  I don’t look THAT bad.  Okay, maybe I’m not FAT.  Maybe I’m just pleasantly plump.  My clothes still fit me.  I didn’t eat too much today.  And I didn’t skip my workouts so far this week.  Oh, and I didn’t gain weight, either.  Okay, I guess I can get naked.

In a couple days I’ll wake up and feel beautiful again.  If anyone has an explanation for that bit of craziness, let me know.  I know I can’t afford how much I’d have to pay a psychologist to figure it out!

35 thoughts on “I Feel Fat

  1. The only (unhelpfull) explanation I can think of is a missing chromosome. 🙂

    Great to have you back! You did hit the nail on the head as how guys feel like we are in a no-win situation. I have found the best way to deal with this mood is to make a calm affirmation that she isn’t fat and get her to go out with her girlfriends ASAP.

  2. Dr Laura says that men don’t care if your body is perfect; they just care that it’s naked and up against their body. And once again, she nailed it!

  3. A lovely refreshingly honest post. I suggest finding some lingerie that makes you feel good-maybe a long sheer nightdress with a plunging neckline,making the most of your undeniable assets. Something floaty that clings on just the right places. I don’t know what size you actually are,but sometimes we need to conform to ideals of female beauty in order to start feeling better about ourselves-it’s just a question of finding what makes you feel beautiful in your own eyes. What part of you do you like today,how can you focus on it?

    I’m a bony woman, and it makes me feel very unfeminine. I’m sure I would envy your cleavage. In fact,it would probably even turn me on! Time to do the stuff that makes you feel sexy,maybe a little dirty dancing,on your own. Latin american and middle eastern moves seem to suit a woman with hips. Think J-Lo and get bootylicious!

  4. Thank you, dear. You would crack up if you saw me trying to do any dirty dancing. bahahahaha! I have a work out video that is lots of dancing, hip swirling, salsa, latin type stuff. I think it would be quite comical to see me doing it. hee hee!
    I am working on getting some lingerie, too. The thing is, when I get in one of these moods NOTHING looks good, even what looked fabulous on me just the other day. I just have to wait it out, I think. And pretend it’s not happening. Weird, I know.

    • I know exactly what you are saying Zookie. I also have days where I wake up feeling fat. And nothing can change my perception – like you said, I just have to wait it out. It doesn’t matter if I get on the scale and it says I weigh less than the day before when I felt like I looked good.

      All I cans say is – I don’t understand it, can’t explain it, and don’t like it when it happens.

      The thing is that on those days, I not only feel fat, I feel ugly because I feel fat. And when I feel that way, I am not exactly the most pleasant person to be around. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy. Poor men – we women are sick creatures sometimes!!!

      • I’m so glad you can relate! I do think that recognizing it is a good way to overcome it, or at least not make those around us suffer, too. If we realize what’s happening, we can try extra hard to be nice, pleasant, and fun to be around.

        Oh, here’s a good way to get rid of the I feel fat feeling: Add a 1/2 mile to your workout and run ’til sweat is pouring off your body and dripping off the end of your ponytail, and burn 900 calories. Yep, that helps. 🙂

        • Or… go out and have two donuts! Hey – if I am going to feel fat, there should at least be a reason for it – right? lol

          • Run? I actually do run… to the kitchen, to DQ, to Dunkin Donuts…. lol

            Seriously, i do a combination of things, weight lifting, fast walking combined with running, and other cardio stuff. They say you have to trick your muscles and keep them guessing, so I mix it up daily. I don’t do long distance running, the most I run without stopping is a mile. I do more cardio intervals instead. That’s where you run as fast as you can for spurts, say like 45 seconds, and then walk for 30 seconds, then run spurt again for 45 seconds. I continue this cycle for about 2 miles and fast walk the other two miles. Sometimes I do the spurts on the cycle or on the elliptical machine or jump rope. This kind of describes what I am talking about:
            http://exercise.about.com/cs/cardioworkouts/g/intervaltrainin.htm

            And in spite of the daily workout – donuts will still do me in …and I still have my feel fat days. 😦 Bizarre isn’t?

            Oh – and I don’t know why, but I also have a strange feeling that you are not fat either – and actually are very attractive. 🙂

          • That sounds like a good workout. I had a friend suggest to me that I do something similar. I’m going to look into it more and then do it!

            And how’d you get that strange feeling, anyway? 😉

  5. My favorite answer to the “Do my pants make me look fat?” question, is a thoughtful, lengthy stare at the rear and thighs, and then, “Hmm. I don’t know, I’d have to see you without the pants!”

    That catches the spirit of the true male concern with the question. Having said that, if my wife was actually, truly fat, with actual rolls of cellulite hanging down over the top of her belt, that would be a turnoff. Very few women who say “I’m so fat!” and stress out about it would actually be a turnoff if they stripped naked.

    • Yeah, that’s a good answer to that question 🙂

      I’ve been thinking a lot about sexual attraction and obesity lately. It’s PC or whatever to say “I’m attracted to you no matter what because I love you.” But that’s not really the case, at all. It’s not nice, but it’s true that it’s hard to be sexually attracted to someone who is truly, actually obese.

      • I think you can love someone dearly, have chemistry with them, and even enjoy sex with them, but still not like the way they look if the are quite overweight. Call it societal conditioning, or whatever you want, but I think most people don’t find overweight bodies, male or female, as attractive as ones that are toned. I will admit I would much rather look at a well toned male than one who’s belly hangs over his belt.

  6. I know several women who would be considered overweight, but they manage to be very, very sexy anyway. A lot of it is their attitude and how they present themselves. I always think of them as “cuddly sexy”, as opposed to stick-thin supermodel sexy.

    • Yeah,Norm. It can be good to have a look at some Reubens or other ‘old masters’ paintings. Whilst these women are no longer our icons of femininity, they are still hot I think and remind us that we see things differently at different times, including times of the month. I notice these women,when clothed are often wearing drapes rather than tightly fitted clothing. Adds to the impression of lush fertility.

  7. This is coming from a man’s perspective. Sure, men are visual. But the average PH holder has enough restraint not to fixate themselves on their wife’s weight, or the weight of other women. Most men are all about proportion. The skinny runway models don’t appeal to most men. Let’s face it, if a man was attracted to his wife enough in the first place to merit dating, engagement, and marriage, then she looked just fine to him. But here’s what I want to say. All of us like eye candy, both men and women. Once married, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want their spouse to look their best. Husbands know their wives are going to put on some baby weight over the years and otherwise “fill out.” ( And yes, for record, husbands really do think their wives are beautiful when they’re pregnant. It has to do with ‘filling the measure of their creation.’ It’s a chance to view your wife as someone who is assisting HF with creating life. It is a unique view and tied into pregnancy.) The question is degree. Take your wedding day weight. Most husbands (I’m talking 90%) would be thrilled if their wives kept their weight at wedding day weight plus no more than about 15 – 20%. It’s when you start getting above those percentages that most husbands would wish their wives would lose a little weight. Obviously, feelings change as we go from 30% to 40% to 50% and on up. I don’t use BMI cause those numbers can be skewed. But I figure (for most people) wedding day weight is probably at their prime, so you might as well use that as a base line. There’s a huge difference between being sexy plump and morbidly obese. I think women tend to overlook their husbands’ weight gain more so than men overlook their wives’. I can only attribute that to that fact that men are more visual. If I wrere a woman and my husband had a pot belly and made even the remotest snide comment about my weight, he would get a severe tongue lashing. Anyway, as long as wives are proactively trying to keep their weight to a reasonable level, husbands will readily accept that fact and feel that their wives love them enough to at least try to maintiain a weight. I don’t mean a different fad diet every week, just a conscius effort to be healthy. It’s when a wife doesn’t acknowledge that she does have a “problem” with weight or steadfastly refuses to address the problem that husbands begin to feel resentful. We all know that physical appearance isn’t everything. I could also add personal hygeine to that sentence as well, yet most women would not appreciate a husband who didn’t bath or brush his teeth regularly. Maintaining a reasonable weight is work, just like anything else in life. It is easier for some than others, but I’ve never seen any one gain excessive weight who exercised regularly and ate a well balanced diet.So, I’m with CM and a couple of other commenters. Weight and overall appearance once married is not everything, but it does count for something. It’s a bit selfish to think once we’re married we can “let it all go” and then maintain the attitude that our spouse has to love and desire us no matter what we do or what we look like. We don’t always do things because we like to do them; sometimes we do things (even hard things like weight loss) because we know it makes our spouse happy.

  8. Old Husband–well put. There are some actual standards, though, and staying pretty close to the wedding weight is a nice bonus.

    I would add that weight, to me, is more than just visual appearance. It’s an indicator of how much a person values themselves, their own self-discipline, and how much they value their relationship. It’s an outward sign of some things going on inside.

  9. I’m going to admit something here. At one point I was actually 98% heavier than the day we got married. Yep, i gained almost 100 pounds. Now, I admit, I WAS fat, but on my 5’10”, broad shoulders and hips frame, I still didn’t look morbidly obese. Chunky would be a good word. Plus I was pretty skinny when I got married. So I can relate to anyone who has had or does have a weight problem. Guess what? Conan still loved me and wanted me. Sure, he would have liked, and DOES like, me to be thinner. And as soon as I was physically able, I began losing that weight. However, we still managed to have some rockin’ hot sex with me overweight. I used to tell my girlfriends that I was living proof that fat people can and do have hot sex. 🙂

    • Hi! I’m here, sort of! and thanks for the love!
      This last month has been a crazy month in my life. Besides all the personal drama going on (if someone had told me a year ago what would be happening in my life at this moment I wouldn’t have believed it), I have been so busy I can’t even see straight. I have more work than I know what to do with and it seems like all I do is work and then take care of necessities, and then work some more. Whew! My house is in C.H.A.O.S. (Can’t have anyone over syndrome) and I’ve named the laundry Mount Washmore. Aaaaahhh!!!

      I think about blogging almost every day. And then life gets in the way. Blah.

      I appreciate all of you who come to my blog, read and comment. You’re all great! I do have at least three different topics ruminating around in my head, I just hope I get the time to actually write them out!

  10. I know life is hectic sometimes – but could you pleeeaaassseeee do another post quickly. Do you know how depressing seeing this title “I Feel Fat” and the picture of a scale over and over again when I check your blog! 😦 I am serious Zookie! Help me out here! lol

    Even a one liner or a sexy picture would do it!!!! 🙂

    • All right, my wonderful friend, I’ll do it just for you. I’ve got one almost done and I’ll work on it. So what if there are no clean towels in the house? We can drip dry tomorrow. (kidding!)

  11. Saw this post and am seeking advice. My wife is overweight, in both belly and butt. I’m an average size guy in toolbox, so that I can’t reach her in a doggie position. I can do a missinoary position, but have to continually keep weight on my hands and arms so I don’t squish her. She likes to be on top most of the time, and overall, I don’t mind that. But her weight sure limits the number of sexual positions we can use. Kama Sutra? Most of those positions are unobtainable because of her excess baggage. She would kill me if I complained about her weight interfering with love making. Any suggestions?

    • Hmmmmm. Well, I’ve never been so overweight that I couldn’t accomplish whatever position I wanted (within reason, Kama Sutra is for professional gymnasts, which I’m not!). I don’t know how much I can help you and I don’t want to get very graphic here, but one to try if you like rear entry is a modified spooning position. The man is straight and the woman is bent–like she was on her hands and knees and he was behind her standing and they both fell over sideways. I don’t know the official name for it, but since you’re on your sides you can get things angled just right so everything fits. That works for the opposite problem, too–a man’s large belly. Does that make sense? Have you tried that?

  12. Good thoughts on here. I am starting a program called “insanity” next week actually, and I am hoping to get back into shape… not just the round shape 😉

  13. Today was a “fat” day for me, too. Some days they just sneak up on us women- hormonal or not. I spend a lot of time doing therapy with girls struggling with body image and eating disorders and I guess the thing I’ve learned is to not dwell on it- give it 5 minutes and then move on.
    I’ve learned to dress comfortably in clothes that make me feel confident. I’ve found some things that make me feel good like touching up my makeup or even just pulling my hair in a ponytail so it’s not brushing against my face bothering me all day are also helpful and will help me not dwell on bad days. Also, even getting out for a walk with the kids is helpful, too.
    Welcome back!

    • Thanks Alyssa.
      Good suggestions! You’ve piqued my interest about the therapy you do. I always did struggle with my body image and wish I’d had somebody to help me with that, so good for you! What’s funny is that I look back at pictures of me as a teen and young adult and think, wow, I was hot! I wish I’d thought so at the time. *sigh* I’ve said it before, I could spend years in therapy, haha!

Thanks for commenting! I love comments!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s