I found myself falling into some old conditioning the other day. There is a lovely young woman ( early 30’s) in my ward who is so sweet, so pure, so righteous, so spiritual, so talented, so pretty, so…everything…and the thought came to me that she seems soooooo good that she must not be sexual. WHOA! Where’d that come from?!?
I had to remind myself that being sexual is not sinful. And it doesn’t disqualify anyone from being all the things she is–pure, sweet, righteous, spiritual, etc.
That bears repeating: We are not sinning when we are sexual. We are following a big part of God’s plan for happiness in marriage when we are sexual. We are sexual beings. We were created that way–not to torment us and make us feel bad, but to give us great pleasure and make us feel good and help our marriage!
Some people agree with me in theory. Meaning, “oh, yes, it is right for me to have sex and have a family.” But that’s not the same as enjoying and loving and having frequent sex. As in, “It’s probably not right for me to enjoy it. I mean, I kind of feel guilty when I enjoy it and don’t they say that if you feel guilty about it you should discontinue it?”
News flash: Not all guilt is productive or good or warranted. Some is plain and simple conditioning. Inaccurate, uninformed, passed down from generation to generation, wrong.
So while I don’t know if she’s embraced her sexuality and she and her husband have a rockin’ sex life (and I”m not about to ask, either, haha!), I do know that her sweetness and purity doesn’t automatically mean she’s turned off that part of herself.
It’s not either or. We can and should embrace the sexual part of ourselves, just like we embrace the mother in us, the crafter or homemaker in us (if it’s in us…I didn’t get any crafter genes AT ALL.), the friend in us. We can be many things and still be righteous, virtuous women.
Let’s all remember that when that old conditioning kicks in, shall we?