Happy Valentines Day

Hi to all!  I hope you are well.  I miss You.

I would love to know how Valentines Day went for you.  What did you do, give, get?  Do you love or hate Valentines Day?   Does Valentines Day fall into one of those expected sex days?

For Valentines Day I got myself a pair of very cute hot pink pumps.   LOVE them!

Today I’m thinking of a friend I used to have.   She would obsess over what her boyfriend did or did not get her.  She could NOT simply be happy that he got her a gift, she had to analyze, really OVER analyze, what he got her.  The gift had to be exactly right and perfect.  Or he just didn’t LOVE her enough.  He didn’t KNOW her well enough.  He didn’t LISTEN or PAY ATTENTION to her enough.   Good grief.  The poor man could not win.  No matter what.  And I saw him get her some lovely, wonderful gifts over the years.   It just never seemed to be the right thing.   And then guess what?  Yep.  No sex for him.   He most obviously didn’t deserve it.

I tried to help her to understand that not all of us are great at gift giving.  Some of us SUCK at it.   Possibly even me!   Yep.  I’m a terrible gift giver.  I never know what to get.  I try.  Believe me.  I just don’t have the talent for knowing what someone wants.  Or remembering the little side comment or that time in the store when my recipient said, oh, I’d just LOVE to have that.  *sigh*  My BFFs are fantastic gift givers.  Maybe some day some of that will rub off.  Until then…I’ll just keep trying.  🙂

My only problem with Valentine’s Day  is the unachievable expectations placed on people (read…men…usually).  Oh, I’m sure some of us get it right.  That guy went to Jared, that kind of thing.   But I’m thinking that even the perfect gift on the perfect day of the year cannot substitute for loving, caring, listening, giving, all year round.

So I hope you are not fretting too much over what you did or didn’t get for Valentines Day.   I do hope you had some rockin’ sex if you could.  And I hope you feel loved all year round.

21 thoughts on “Happy Valentines Day

  1. I used to really get worked up over what to get for v-day. I also had lots of pain on v-day as it reminded me how unloved I felt. I remember several years of looking at the cards and fighting back tears to the point I couldn’t read the cards due to my eyes being teared up.

    I got to where I just couldn’t care that much anymore. I will get her a card, gift, flowers and if so likes it great! If not, oh well.

    • Guy,
      That is very sad. Your marriage has had its ups and downs, huh? I am wondering now why you felt so unloved. Was it lack of physical intimacy? Emotional intimacy? Both?
      From comments you’ve made I think things are a bit better in your marriage. I hope they still are.
      z

  2. To say the least, anyone who places that level of scrutiny on a gift and grades another’s love and devotion accordingly is unkind.
    To say it more straight up, such people betray their own lack of love for their mate through their own indifference towards the pain they cause their well intentioned sig. other. Such people are unprepared for and unworthy of the love they are given and despise.
    I, for one, truly suck at gifts. It’s not from a lack of caring. Some people are just not wired to pick up on every nuance that blows by them. Also, wandering around shopping and mentally cataloging everything, place, & cost is misery.

    The perfect gift arises from a rare alignment of a need/want felt, the existence of an object to address that need, the giver’s awareness of the need and the object, and the timing. When that happens, it is a time to rejoice. When that happens to me, I’m so excited, I can hardly wait to deliver the gift. The 1st of the time, the gift rises out of my desire for my mate’s feelings to not be injured. Despite

    • ( Dang phone) Despite what some think, not every gift had to have a story behind it to have worth. Traditions like valentines day are trivial and fun. They should be left that way. A true perfect gift would not be given on a predetermined day anyway.

      • That’s what I thought, too, HopAlong, she was horribly unkind and unloving to do that to him.

        And you and I are in the same club–the bad gift-givers club haha! I like to think I show I care by little things I do and say all the time with and for my friends and family. I hope so, at least.

  3. Hopalong,
    The answer is… The 5 love languages. When you’ve figured out what your loved one’s love language is its magical! To me gifts are just things, the thought behind them is nice but the thing is just a thing. It kind of reminds me of someone recommending a book. I read it and it does nothing for me or I love it. Gift giving is easy but is it what your loved one loves?
    Dino

  4. Here in Great Britain, valentines day is anonymous, which makes it so much more fun. Even after 28 years of marriage my lovely wife gets at least one card and gift from some ‘unknown bloke’. It allows for some silly gifts and messages, but also more serious expressions of love too (particularly good for those ‘macho’, I don’t do lovey dovey stuff, types).
    We have had some great giggles over the years. You’re missing out in US/Canada.
    I have to admit, I did leave her with an oral orgasm before I left for work, and that wasnt anonymous. At least I think she recognised that it was me.

    P.S. just a note that this is a nice place to visit, it feels kind and comfortable. I hope things turn out well for you zookie.

    • Now that sounds fun 🙂 Kind of takes the pressure off, huh?
      And I’m sure she appreciated your “gift” to her that morning!

      Thank you for the compliment about my blog. That’s so sweet. I really enjoy my blog and am glad others do, too. I’m hoping things turn out well, too!

  5. I read an article recently that commented that Valentine’s Day is for amateurs…Kinda takes the pressure off us long-time lovers.

    But here’s something cute. In the early days of our marriage we were really that poor that the Mr could not afford a Valentine’s card. So he started a tradition of making one-I now have 33 love offerings made out of sellotape, red card and glue. They are of course priceless and precious to me.

    I’ll share some more joy. My sixteen year`old son has recently started to get serious with a long term acquaintance, and he has delighted us with his project to go through magazines in the search for everyday objects that are red, in order to use then in a Valentine for his beloved. In the end we were all at it. When I asked him why everyday objects, he replied that he wanted her to know that he thinks of her in the everyday things he sees. Made my Valentine’s day.

    That boy is on track to make a great lover, just like his daddy.

  6. Zookie, glad you are blogging again! You always come up with great topics. Here’s a few to consider for future reference: favorite position, kissing or no kissing during intercourse, lights or no lights, in the water, the first time, the first big O, when the kiddos knock on the door, to just name a few. Not that you have ever had trouble coming up with topics……..

    • Thanks for the suggestions, DM! I’ll keep them in mind. My very first subscriber suggested several and I eventually wrote about all of them. So this is great!
      z

  7. Valentine’s Day is always hard for me because I feel that it’s a day specifically for lovers, not for friends or companions. I don’t want to ignore the day completely because I don’t want to be cruel to my wife. I always get her a nice card and her favorite candy. I have flowers delivered to her at work, and I take her out to dinner. But it’s not a “romantic” evening because she is without passion or sexuality. And the card I get her is always one of those bland “we’re a good team” kind of cards, because we’re not lovers and I’m not dishonest enough to give her a card telling her what a wonderful wife she is. She wouldn’t believe it anyway.
    Ladies, if your husband seems to operate the way I do, you might ask yourself: “Is my husband just lousy at Valentine’s Day stuff, or do my attitude and behavior make it hard for him to be any different?”.

  8. Zookie, where are you? Please don’t forget about your blogosphere friends. We miss your posts. You are a beautiful lady inside & out. I pray that things are working out for you.

  9. Hi! I hope you’re ok. You are missed! Sorry I had to take my blog down for a few weeks. It’s back now.

    I don’t have the time to stay on top of all the comments, but I do encourage email feedback.

  10. Hi Zookie,

    My husband and I just came across your blog this last week. I just want to say thank you for putting a blog like this out there for LDS women and couples. Seriously, THANK YOU! I have really enjoyed your posts and love that you embrace your own sexuality. I am going to encourage all of my married friends to read it. I think (as you have mentioned in other posts) that in the LDS church we tend to be conditioned that sex is “bad” and we shouldn’t have those kinds of feelings and so when we get married and it’s suddenly “ok”, it can be difficult. After 8 1/2 years of marriage and two kids I feel like we are just starting to branch out a little more in our sex life (and when I say “we” I mean mostly “me”, haha). Things between us were pretty rocky as of a few months ago and we’ve been trying to work on our marriage since then (including marriage counseling). As a result of working through some of our emotional issues I feel that it has helped us to become closer sexually as well.

    I’m sorry to hear about what is going on in your personal life. I hope you are finding support in family and friends and taking good care of yourself. I hope you will continue posting, although I understand that things are difficult right now. I appreciate your previous posts and again, thank you. 🙂

  11. Zookie, we miss you! When the time is right in your life we hope to hear from you again, even if only to briefly check in.

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