Conan works very hard. He puts everything he has into his job. He is working toward a big goal he has set for himself. He is frequently stressed out and distracted, lately. In fact, he has been so stressed out that he hasn’t had sex on the brain as much as he usually does. I know, right? What could possibly be wrong with the man? Well, this goal is very, very important to him, and he is so focused that he can’t help it. It’s all work, all the time. And then he falls into bed mentally exhausted from all his efforts. (By the way, I know that Conan will hit his goal. He is very good at what he does. South Beach, here we come!)
Now, in days past, if he didn’t have sex on his mind, I would have used that as a good reason to take a break from sex for a while, and I would have liked it. As the spouse who usually has the lower sex drive, I could just wait until he asks for it or shows some interest in it again.
But is that what I should do for Conan, who typically requires plenty of sex but just seems to have forgotten that little fact? I don’t think that’s the answer. So I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing. He comes to bed with a glazed look on his face, and I can tell he’s just ready to sleep. But I have other plans for that man, because I know what is best for him. He has forgotten what is best for him, and all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. So I make my move. Conan laughs and says, I’m tired. HA! I say. That’s no excuse. Let’s see if “he” feels the same way. Conan has been known to say, “If you can get it up, you can have it.” Hmmm. Is that a challenge? Invariably, “he” is not as tired as Conan is and Conan ends up succumbing to my advances. And then he is thanking me, from the bottom of his heart. Of course, I can be heard to repeat “Thank you, Conan!”, over and over, myself. ;-) The couple times I have said, oh, okay, honey, just go to sleep, he has regretted it.
I feel that this keeps Conan from having too much stress. When he gets like this, we don’t communicate much. We don’t connect, and we are just existing next to each other, taking care of things that need to be done. So making love is about the only way we have to be close. I know I feel much more loving towards him, and I am able to tolerate him being a bit distant and short tempered, even. This also keeps him from getting TOO distant and short tempered.
Hey! I even did my research. I Googled. And I got an answer from WebMD. “A big health benefit of sex is lower blood pressure and overall stress reduction” it says. Not a big secret or anything, but I like to know that I figured something out that some people had to do a study to figure out, ha ha!
Would this work on me? I don’t know. Maybe. I do know that in the years where I was saying no all the time, it would not have worked. But now? Now I realize just how emotionally beneficial to ME it is to make love. I do know that more recently when there are trials in my life I want to turn TO Conan for comfort and pleasure, instead of AWAY from him to retreat into myself. And I always feel better when I do that. So if Conan can see that I”m boiling over with stress and thinks I could use a little “therapy”, I’ll acquiesce to his superior wisdom and let him have his way with me.
So my sage advice of the day is if you are stressed out, get some “therapy”. Have some sex!